I have been humbled and shown grace every single day the last 5 years. I might not have always seen it that way but now it is very clear. The universe has an odd job cuz it’s always on duty. Always working for everyones well being every single moment in time. The universe must be super fucking busy. I am surprised the universe doesn’t just give up and say fuck it cuz of all the humans in the world. And they never stop co-creating so this is a job for life. Wow. I am amazed again.
I embarked on my healing self journey 5 years ago. It has taken 5 years, disease, and death to help me realize all I have to do is be the best me and let the universe do the rest. I have been shown time and time again how much I have expanded and how beautiful life and people can be. Most of it is about perspective and I love these new lenses I can see out of! It’s wonderful!
These 5 years have been filled with beautiful forms of self love, honesty, tastes of bliss, love of another, and massive self-expansion. In true universe style it has included dark, light, sunshine, tears, laughter, sadness, disappointment, and capping it all off with the act of leading with love at all times. I have experienced what it feels like to exist in moments where you can genuinely be 100% yourself authentically. I experienced ease and flow and joy and lots of smiles and warm fuzzies and love thoughts and feelings. I experienced feeling doubtful about myself and very confident in who I am in the same moment. I experienced looking someone in the eyes and just knowing the idea of truth and love and joy instantly. I am in awe.
I have successfully eliminated the unhealthy habits of attachments in life and lack of belief in myself. I am soooo happy. I still have lots of questions. I still have moments I want it all now and lack patience to just enjoy the process. I still get ancy and wonder what the bigger picture really is and how it will all turn out. I still yearn to be deeply in love. Perhaps now it will be possible since I have found true self love. I still yearn to travel the earth and adventure through it all in some capacity. I know for sure I like to move and be active. I also love to just chill and enjoy the moments and sunshine. I yearn to perform and stay connected with people. I know for sure that everything is ok and all is working out. I can see the same journey within other people I have met. I am so excited to attract people with the same mindset so I can share my discoveries and findings and have someone not think I am crazy. I am mostly thankful for being surrounded with all the beautiful thoughts, memories, words, selfless actions, acts of strength and bravery, smiles and laughs, hugs, and kisses that have given me comfort and love and support in times that seem so dark.
People have helped my world spin within orbit and out of control at times. People have brought me such love that I can’t contain myself. I have allowed love in my life and it feels so good that I can’t stop and I can’t wait for the next moment. I can’t wait to share. I can’t wait to give. I can’t wait to express myself. I can’t wait to know more about others. I can’t wait. I can’t wait. I lose my breath every time a person expresses complete honesty and vulnerability. It’s a mirror of where I am and it is beautiful. I am so proud of all that I have let into my life. I am so proud of all the expansion. However I am most excited about what the future holds. I am curious how others formulate their lives and how they adapt to this mindful century of life.
My eyes are wide open and observing all the new love. My mind is open and embracing all the love. My emotions are all over the place. My body is happy to be flowing once again. My soul is so tuned in and turned on that I sometimes can’t stand it and don’t know what to do but sit and meditate. I see the love. I feel the love. I am the love. I am so thankful. Thank you universe. Thank you mama. I love you. My heart is exploding and so full at the same time.
Much Love- Tami xo
We are all both beauty and beast in many ways. I like to say the beauty is when we are connected with soul, leading with love, and begin to see things in a bright sunshine way. I like to say the beast is when we struggle and trudge through life, deal with people/relationships, and how we think and treat ourselves. Beast is who we become when we are living in our ego-driven human body and function out of dysfunction.
SO Marinate in all the feel good Moments of life so you have lots of good Memories and Milk it for all it’s got!. Why not? So you can live a life filled with bliss. So you can be and create more happiness for you and all around you. So you can live healthy and functional and a good quality of life. So you can be the best you and do the best while you are here on earth. Be beautiful. Be a beauty.
I really think all of humanity aims for the same thing. In constant search of love, happiness, and prosperity. In this case I will add the word “security”. Security as in needing/wanting some type of “people-place-thing” because it makes you feel secure in a way with your place on earth. As if we need extra things to complete us or make us whole or count on it in case something goes wrong. These security blankets suddenly don’t seem so secure anymore. I am slowly but surely waking out of this state of security. It’s like a security blanket but internal and we are not always conscious of these “attachments”. It’s just part of our beast. But you gotta love the Beast cuz it got ya where ya are today!
My continued and now never-ending health journey has me Marinating in all the goodness that is presenting itself in my life. That is the beauty in me! It is also showing me Darkness and how you can choose to continue on and feel your emotions then hop right back in the “game of life”. More of the beauty. In the dark shows us many options and self-expansions if we choose to see the light in the dark and look at it’s beauty.
SO “seeking bliss” and “embracing the beauty of darkness” have really pushed me out of fear and to be the most secure human being that I can be without attachments. So beautiful. To make decisions and go for it and be confident. Beautiful. To reach for what feels good all the time. Even more beautiful. To attract people that are in the same mindsets. Feels beautiful. To use it as a guide on what is next for you. So exciting AND beautiful.
So cheers to the beauty and the beast cuz they have an eternal impact on how we expand as humans and how we are spirit living a human experience. As soon as we let go of rules, regulations, conditions, and old stories of life only THEN can we truly start to open our eyes and gain new perspective on what life can really BE all about. A fun place to be creative, to love, to adventure, to smile, to laugh, to dance, to play, and to gaze at endlessly.
I love you my life and am so thankful to have this opportunity to explore humanity and the earth while my body still allows. You are my peace and my pride and my joy. Thanks. My heart sings.
If we choose, we can see glory and abundance and bliss. It’s breathtaking.
It’s the gift we receive for bearing the presence of a heavy heart.
It's within us. We can seek internally for guidance and clarity and peace which will lead us to a love that stems from the heart and glides out of each of us with such grace that it lifts up everything in existence. We see rainbows and beauty and pots of gold that now seem so irrelevant to why we are here and how we want to BE in this lifetime. We continue with ease and keep loving and keep living.
We lift our heavy hearts now cuz we are strong from within and THAT is how we WIN when our human time is up.
At least that's what i choose to believe.
We can listen. We can learn. We can love. We can hate. We can dream. We can expand. We can judge. We can be passionate. We can uplift. We can manipulate. We can live in fear. We can create happiness. We can be humble. We can be egotistical. We can be shy. We can be extroverts. We can be loud. We can be soft. We can be human. We can be spirit. We can be emotional. We can be racist. We can be loyal. We can be disciplined. We can be righteous. We can feel weak. We can feel strong. We can be creative. We can go with the flow. We can be controlling. We can communicate. We can be good leaders. We can be teachers. We can be preachers. We can be victims. We can forgive. We can be bound. We can be free.
These are choices we can make each day for ourselves.
The day my mother passed she taught me all of these. I will preface this blog by saying that 10months of living with someone who is dying and holding their hand until the bitter end gives you a glimpse into another world and how we really can choose how to live and how to exist in this world. The process goes from loud and noisy and turbulent to pure silence and peace. The process shows us the gift of life and the gift of spirit and the gift of freedom. You can also choose to focus on the disparity of the situation or the beauty in the situation. Again, we have the choice and that is pure bliss.
I suppose the question is do you want to be happy and live happy?
If the answer is yes well then the great news is you have total control over whether or not that becomes your reality. You can live as a grumpy grumpnoid or seek to create a day of sunshine no matter what is going on with you or others or in the world. We often look externally for happiness instead of taking responsibility and looking within ourselves. Did you know the happier you become with your SELF the less people and situations will bother you? Did you know that as soon as you stop caring what others MIGHT THINK of you then you are truly free? Did you know that when you stop, listen, and observe, and take in the world the more connected and in awe you might feel of what is around you? Too many times we say appreciate and be grateful but are those just words and thoughts until you really take time out to be quiet and just be?
I wonder if all the spirits who are not human any more are just chuckling at our existence?
I am hopeful to ask my mom as soon as I can get hold of the long island medium one day and talk to her…. Just kidding… or maybe not? :) My mom was smart. My mom was pretty. My mom was unconditional yet conditional. She lived by rules and regulations but I think she strived to live more with a free spirit. I think like everyone else she yearned to be the most self-confident in everything and the idea of being not confident felt like being out of control. I think she felt responsible and very well liked and courageous. She made a difference. She made a legacy. She made us all be better. She fought and we fought. We all became better advocates through health and sickness. I laid by her side and told her I loved her until I heard her heart slow down and eventually the last heartbeat. She lay still while I grappled on tightly. I think she floated out of the room in silence.
I walked out of her room and looked out the window. It was numbingly silent and peaceful at the same time. The world seemed still except for the movement of a carousel. I remember this vivid thought … “and life still goes on… what will you do with yours”. It was eery yet profound at the same time. It was sad but glad at the same time. It was love but sadness at the same time. It was death but life at the same time. They say we are in a time of awakening so I guess this was part of mine. 8 weeks later my 2nd mom passed away and I begged to keep her in the condolence/viewing room so I could say my goodbyes. Her last heartbeat was mistakenly misconstrued because of a pacemaker. She was thought to be alive but really dead? She looked fine. She looked ok. We just saw her 2 days ago. Now she was on a stretcher being rolled away. I actually think she was having a hard time letting her “heart parts” go. She chose to be brave and just suck it up until the end. That is what she did. She gave and listened and gave and listened and gave an listened and gave and listened until she could no longer. She was my 2nd mom. I guess there was still more life learning and awakening that needed to happen, that still needs to happen. It’s not about the actual passing, that is about realization. Death of a mom or moms is another story. It’s about the before and after. The heartbeat, the last heartbeat, and the movement of the carousel which is life as a human. It's about the humanistic side and what to do , what to be, wth. My 2 best friends and confidants were now gone.
Tell me what that carousel looks like and feels like and whether or not it will break down or keep going. Point being again we have choice. We can stay in an emotional state by recreating it over and over or we can move beyond moments in time. We can be nice and just let things be and know everything is okay or we can be jerks and controlling and unhappy people. We can gripe and moan about the people , places, and things around us or we can keep it positive and keep moving forward. This is a call to action to live your best life and be healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. Yes death will come to us all and it is solely our choice as to how we live and how we choose to be. We have control and if there is any controlling going on I think the best version is taking control of your SELF by creating a great life and choosing happiness and love. The opposite just won’t do and won’t help create a good life for anyone. We are all in this together so why not act like it and be kind to one another. So let’s all ride the carousel with great joy until our last heartbeat.
learned how to BE love and SPREAD love... started to fully LIVE and BE the BOSS of my life....
made amends with my SELF... explored food for medicine concept.... made new friends....
started new beginnings... reached for only the best feelings...
strengthened bond of family...
appreciated friend time, work, break time, and mother nature perks....
learned and appreciated the connection of my girls and protection, belief, and support...
saw a human in all aspects from mom to daughter to sister to lover to friend to companion to spirit which helped me stand tall, instilled color and bliss in my life, allowed me to see grace and gangsta in the same breath, and gave me the gift of self love and belief and trust and learning how to move through it all with grace...
took time to have fun and appreciate the moment and actually FEEL it....
slowly realizing LOVE is all around me and i just have to let it in....
and when you get knocked down... be appreciative of the process, it's how you get back on your feet, and there is more light in the end of the tunnel than you can even imagine....
Simply The Best!
That is what she was. That is what she is . That is what she wanted to be. That is what everyone around her thought. Mama was the best and she lived a fabulous life. Judy was a great friend, great companion, superb mom, good human being, and the best team player. Judy was a professional and made strides for women on a daily basis. A mom that loved her family and continuously poured her heart into caring, supporting, and bettering her relationships. A sister that enjoyed companionship and smart ass comments with her beloved Janet. A friend that guided the young, kept up with the young at heart, and cradled the ones ready to lead their best life and enter the final 1/4 of life.
Mama passed away from ovarian cancer. Mama fought until the end. Mama looked glamorous. We held mamas hands as she transitioned. A beautiful soul. My sister and I witnessed the journey that mama took the last 10 months. We are changed. We are in awe of her presence and seek out her essence every day from sunrise to sunset to dark nights to sunny days. We got to see Judy, Mama, Companion, Friend, Sister, and Soul. It was beautiful.
We love you mama. XO
5-1-46 to 7-24-19
Yes mom has transitioned. Yes we are deeply saddened beyond words. Yes she passed too soon. Yes we thought she would be the last to go and she was the first. Just like a true soldier she held true to her team and gave it all she had to be present until she could no longer. She was the essence of team player and the brightest star on the team EVERY TIME. As her children, no we didn't understand her every move... until now. I am humbled. She is STILL making moves. I know she is. Our lives are changed and things are going through contrast then they look even BRIGHTER the next day. It may sound crazy to say but I do feel her wings cradling me every day right now. She is not and has not forgotten. She is not just another human that passed away SHE is the brightest star in the sky tonight that is giving hope and confidence and support to those in need. THAT is the essence of why my mom was on this earth besides giving life to my sister and I. My mom would want us all to push forward and shine. My mom was my biggest fan and I know 100% that she believed in me and my processes and journey through life. She wanted so much to be part of every single minute no matter what. She wanted to see the growth and SHINE in everybody. So that is what we MUST do. Be our BEST so we can then be the most helpful on this earth while we are here! THAT is what she would want so THAT is what we must be. So if you wish to honor the greatness of Judy, just be the best you and let your light shine.
We are all just a spec on this earth and we are all connected in some capacity. There is something bigger out there besides living here on earth. We are all spirit, not just a human body, and we are all learning how to be the best versions of ourselves while we are here on earth. Forgiving and forgetting is wonderful because what “happened” or what “was” is no longer reality and living in the “now” is what is real. These are my thoughts and beliefs about life today and how we can best get “through it all”.
My mom once told me if you don’t want anyone to know then don’t do it. A prelude to steering “you” in the best direction possible. The whole feel good-feel bad syndrome. Always shoot for what feels good, not what feels bad. If it feels bad, go the other direction! Quickly! If you don’t know what to do then be quiet, go home, meditate or sleep and then get up and do a re-try.
As I journey through the past 4 years of my own personal life I just can’t believe where I am. I can’t believe all the feelings and emotions and excursions and transformations and expansions and “things” that have evolved and shown themselves or I just finally saw them. Not sure. But oh well who cares how they got here I am in a place that is very unfamiliar and strangely beautiful.
I feel kinda 1-track minded as I preach “lead with love”. I can’t say I feel like doing it every moment in time but I often remind myself each day when I encounter a not so good feeling. I guess I became kinda contradictory but life is a learning lesson from start to finish. If I could be in complete peace and bliss 100% of the time I might have some better info for you. But to be honest I am not. I have sad days and confusing days and peaceful days and angry days and annoyed days and happy days and playful days and insecure days and heavy days. This is all part of being human. We are spirit that lives in this body and we have emotions and our brains think constantly! Welcome to life!
All I can say is to live the most peaceful and blissful life is to always “lead with love”. That is my only advice. I don’t have any “right” answer or words of wisdom from all that I have encountered except “lead with love”. Now if you think about this it may seem a bit hard but really all you need to do is start “catching yourself” in the times where you are feeling less than love. Whether it be a a lost job, a fight, a betrayal, a death, a bad decision, a disagreement, a bad relationship, a breakup, just feeling dark, etc, basically anything that doesn’t feel good, idk you can just be quiet and try to draw a blank and get back to yourself and love your self enough to lead with love and get back to your self. THEN possibly a blissful life IS possible and all people on the earth ARE really trying to be good and be good human beings.
The mind is a trickster and we are all in the same ball park just trying to be “here”. I continue watching day after day and observe what everyone does and how they react and what feelings are prompted by certain actions or situations and how they are just getting by right now, what they talk about and how they project themselves. I see it and feel it much more clearly and have come to a conclusion… lead with love… those are my only words right now, the only thoughts and feelings I am having, the best advice or words I can give anybody right now in any situation.
Lead with Love. Lead with Love. Lead with Love. That’s all I can say. I try my best. Sometimes emotions get the best of me, I am human, and the love thoughts go out the door. I get it. If we can get through all the emotions and crap and finally come back to love THEN life can be much fuller and happier and peaceful and fulfilled. When we don’t lead with love we are only hurting ourselves, contrary to what we think might be hurting the other person? Why would we do that? Why would we want to make someone else feel bad or even worse?
Love and roses and sunshine and warm fuzzies are all we deserve and IT IS possible. Of course contrast in life happens but that is how we keep growing and expanding. My personal experience with family is they are there no matter what and they stay no matter what and try to love how they know best. They are who we chose when we came here and I think we all feel and know it subconsciously. Friends are connections we have formed based on what we are vibrating currently and attracting. Lovers are those we want briefly in our life to fulfill a desire Or they are longer term and “here” to help us grow and teach us lessons and grow and expand as a human. Come to think of it really all relationships can be these types of situations so it is just humans in general… I think???? I love my family, I love my friends, I love my exes, I love the humans I get annoyed with, I love all my co-workers, and I love myself when I just can’t seem to find a good feeling, that is how I surpass it all.
So if you are a person who doesn’t understand my reactions, who is my friend but I seem aloof and not there, who is my family but I am unavailable, who is my love and/or lover but I seem gone or not what you want at that time, or I am someone who you don’t know or understand, or i am latching on in some way cuz I feel alone, or i just brain farted and forgot something, just remember that everyone is doing the best that they can at every moment in time. EVERYONE. Even the people that are around you that seem to be in a place that feels sad or mad or frustrated or angry or annoyed, etc. YOU might be in that place as well but it is very dig outable! Guess what? Leading with love works! AND I know this for sure so you should try it! TRUST ME. LOVE U. I don't even know what I am saying right now but I hope maybe it helps in some capacity? If you ignore me I am not offended and I believe you will be out there doing all that you can do and I am happy about that!
Thx for listening!
So I have been taking a yoga & meditation class and a sound healing class. The 4 week excursion has turned into even more learning, aha moments, peace, balance, bumps, and possibly a bit of levitation. The mission is to achieve physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. I am going for the happiest and healthiest version of me so this seemed to be the right fit for me now. Most recently in one of our discussions with the teacher she mentioned our “attachments” as human beings. It really got me thinking. Hence, I write a another blog post.
My mission now is recognizing my attachments and how to detach if they are not serving me well. I realized that some of my sadness comes from letting go of loved ones and realizing that as independent as I have been my whole life, I was pretty dependent on people close to me as a source of confidence and approval. Yuck. It was a set up for failure and feeling bad and helped harness unhealthy relationships with others and myself. I understand the depths of how it contributed to me not being my authentic self and created a lot of self dislike. Perhaps some hatred.
The brutally honest version would be I have lived in fear of not being enough most of my life and this whole process of transforming myself that was spawned by cancer has been about connecting with myself, being ok with myself, believing in myself, loving myself, and being able to truly do these things by myself. These attachments to peoples, places, things are facades of the truth about ourselves until we can achieve it without anybody or anything but what resides within ourselves. We often to look to these alternative "things" as a means of instant gratification but in the end that's where they remain. Nothing instant in my experience has ever really tasted good or been any kind of "quality". Over the long term these attachments fester into a false sense of self. A not knowing one self. And really not knowing the alternative.
The 2 closest people in my life are no longer “here for me” in the same way and the ugliness of this attachment issue has been exposed! I can’t say it’s a bad thing cuz it is pushing me to address all aspects of me and really dig deep into my mind, body, and soul. This is a push to continue healing from the roots, plant new seeds, and carry on with life in a new way. A healthy way. I never really saw it this way but to me it makes total sense and I now have clarity. I my case, the more I understand the better I seem to progress with my life and as a human. These attachments are just that, nothing else. It is up to me to detach. I get it now. I did not know. My bad, but now my good. Yay for me. Yay so my brain stops having crazy thoughts. And yay to figuring out the puzzle so I can get these emotions out and move on.
I really can’t believe my life the past 4 years. So many twists, turns, opening cans of worms, taking out the trash, so many emotions, so many people, so many magical moments realized, so much more in the moment, more meaningful relationships with people, more fun, more sad, more sunlight, more darkness, so much appreciation, so much love. It’s like a movie when I look back and a movie that I now view in real time. These movies are no longer my reality. Right here, right now is my reality and what comes next is my reality. The universe has done it’s magic and it was all a set up to get here, now, and on to the next. I am thankful.
Thx for listening-
If we can just recognize that the non filtered version is sooooo beautiful! We see our flaws and others see something very different. Why is that? We speak something and someone’s interpretation can be drastically different, why? We listen and can hear our version so clearly yet fail to listen and live through what the other person is expressing or feeling, why? A better question than WHY might be how can I slow down, turn off my own personal thoughts and feelings, just be present, listen to the words, not judge, no criticism or reaction about what the “right “ answer is that is yours, just let the other person be, not take anything personal, not come to any conclusion about what we “think” is what they meant, and just let it be and move forward and leave it in the past like a movie that played and is over? I dunno. It takes practice is all I can say. I hope I got it better this time around. So if I haven’t told you lately, I love you. I hope you all can hear me and I hope we are all kosher and that life CAN be a bowlful of cherries!
I am hoping to be inspired and able to find the courage and the words soon. I am moving towards the real and authentic me so I CAN be me in hopes that I will feel good and be able to express to all what it is that I mean and BE Who I truly am. Life is many journeys. Each journey rich with it's own purpose. Each purpose closer to finding and living the most authentic you. I hope I can say to all what I really mean before we meet again. I hope you can say what you really mean when we meet again. My light is your light and I would gladly bask in the light together until we feel complete bliss cuz that is what we are meant to do. Cheers my friends and cheers to many beams of light.
Thx for listening-
I am no psychiatrist BUT my run-in with emotions the past few years has sure taught me a lot. I used to bang around like a pinball machine with my self and my emotions. I was a suppressor of emotions since I can remember. Doesn’t mean I didn’t have emotions, it was just hard for them to get out. I like to explain emotions by using them as a barometer to determine where you are at, your current state of mind, what you are vibrating, and experiencing. In short, they help us realize we are human, let us release, and will likely disappear after you sleep on it.
As I proceed with my self-transformation I have had many run-ins with many crappy emotions. It sucks. They are not fun. BUT, they go away and you can sure learn how to speed up the process with many outlets in your life. My outlets in the past were always exercise, food, and drinking. I have been working on balancing how to release and that includes talking, connecting with people, meditation, sniffing essential oils, any kind of physical exercise, any kind of music or art, positive thoughts, and a lot of deep breathing. These all seem to do the trick for me.
It’s kinda like poop. You eat/absorb food into your body then it has to come out! The perfect S shaped poop is what Dr. Oz says is healthy. In comparison, we soak up life and thoughts and beliefs and perceptions , our body digests and spits out the reaction through emotion. Hopefully most of the time we have that perfect S-emotion which we can think of as happy or joyful feelings instead of negative or sad or angry or depressed emotions. I am finding now that I am actually tuned into my emotions and aware that is half the battle and I just let them come and go as they please cuz you can’t control em. Today however they are more of the S-emotions with some sad ones sprinkled here and there… life continues and we get on board the ships and keep sailing along… waiting to get to the next destination in life. We ride the waves and hopefully can learn how to slow down and enjoy the journey, take the contrast in life and grow from it, steer the ship with ease by becoming our best self, and become brilliant creators and receivers of the life we desire.
Thx for listening once again to my cancer chronicles....
“Everything is ok. Everything is always working out for me. Everything is always working out for you. Everything is always working out for us. We are pure positive energy.
We are love.” - Tami
Words can be supportive and powerful. Action can be fulfilling and transformative. Stillness can be peaceful and rejuvenating. Quiet can be clarifying. When we choose to tell the truth, be kind, and lead with love, only then can we truly be leaders. Being tuned into one’s SELF is the best gift we can give and the most impactful and fulfilling. Through my cancer evolution these past 3 years I have seen, been, and witnessed within myself and many others the power we really have once we “get right” with ourselves. I see the answer clearly and it is always learning to truly love ourself and believe in ourself... no matter what.
#truth is about being your most authentic self. It is about feeling happy and letting all the good stuff in without getting in our own ways. I think everybody is always doing the best they know how at every moment in time. I always wish for everybody to get along. I always wish for everyone to accept one another. I always wish that we all show each other love no matter what. I always wish that we continue to expand ourselves and grow and learn with one another.
#beingkind is something we cannot afford to not do in this lifetime. These acts of kindness include forgiveness of others and self, compassion to all, letting all speak, listening to one another, and creating peace and harmony amongst each other. We are born kind and when life takes over and we get sucked into a dark space it is in our best interest to still be kind and rise to the top by being kind. Then we all rise.
#love is the most precious gift you can give anyone no matter what. It has the most longevity and feels the best on too. It creates worlds of kindness and truth. Love wins hands down every single time even if it doesn’t look like it right away. Feel your way to love and see how life changes. See how you can develop yourself as a human and grow into 100% truth, kindness, and love. Once you care about your feelings and aim for love then life is it’s best and you are on your way to the best life and the best you and will attract it’s alikeness.
“Choose love in every moment in time. Contrast in life only pushes us all to expand as humans and a human race. Embrace contrast and love it’s gift of expansion. Love in the midst of dark contrast is a sign of #truth, #beingkind, and #truelove. Only then will you know you've got it when you can continue this positive momentum and truly leave a mark that is embraced by all. My greatest gift would be to truly embrace these words I write, believe them, live them, and love them into existence before it is my time to leave this body. Please join me in "getting right " with our selves so we can all feel like winners!“ - Tami xo - thx for listening
Seeing and remembering pictures and moments of being a little girl reminds me of my mother. They are happy memories. They are free memories. They are moments that helped define where I am today as a woman. I see pictures of me as a child and see and feel vividly where and how I got to be a human with a whole bunch of my mothers' characteristics and qualities and thoughts just seemingly pasted on me like an art project that has lots of “character” to it. I am appreciative of all that was passed on to me, I am grateful to all that was drilled into me ever so softly, and I am in awe at how I came to be… really. I like to jokingly tell my mom it’s “all her fault” when something goes awry and we laugh and giggle cuz we know it’s partially true and mostly not true. We both take full responsibility for ourselves and fully understand we bring on everything by ourselves and this is probably why we laugh. We have been frustrated and angry with each other at times and we always enjoy the sunshine together. We are willing to try the same things BUT we like different things. We get it. We get each other.
A mother can guide you, fix your boo boo’s on the spot, prepare you for the real world, show you how to get yourself together on the outside to make a good impression, can show you how to always be ready, she will be there in an instant when no-one else is there, she will jump through hoops to make sure you get to where you want to be, she will give you the LOOK when you are NOT on the right track, she will laugh at all your jokes even when aimed sarcastically at her, she will go get a coffee and talk with you when everyone else is busy, she gets more excited than you when YOU advance in life, she prepares the best gifts for you cuz she’s known you since birth, she walks to her own drummer, she talks when needed and listens fully when it is important, she is ride or die even if she doesn’t know it, AND that is all BEFORE she even starts to think about her own day.
I am not a mother but just letting flow out of this keyboard what seems to be true of my own mother and the mothers I have seen in action. I don’t think I will ever see a natural born motherhood from myself in this lifetime so I take time to understand what that role really encapsulates. I like to consider myself with good intuition, can see the whole picture, and can really empathize with others type of person. I THINK that makes me special?. :) Go ahead and count yourself into this category as well so we can all feel good together. :) (still smiling) … I know perfectly well that everyone is special and we are all here to experience life and be a human and to be creative and have fun, and whatever else you believe! Which brings me to WHAT really provoked this blog… knowing who I am on the inside and rediscovering WHO and WHAT I am and WHERE I want to GO and BE and WHO and WHAT I want to experience, and WHY am I here and HOW do I reach bliss and HOW do I wake up every morning feeling happy? WELL… for me I look at this dance group picture up above that I have posted and remember it ALL!! Just like I never forgot, just like I know the exact path, just like I have all the feel good feelings, just like I am beyond prepared and ready for anything type of look, just like that feeling of ease is expressed and felt so familiarly, just like “i got this “ type of look, just confident , in the front row, smiley and poised, ready for anything type of look. Yep, I got it from my momma and THIS picture sure oozes my mom from what I have become to know of her to date. It also oozes the true essence of WHO I am, WHAT my aura and demeanor say about what is going on inside, and WHAT POSSIBILITIES are in front of me. NOW all I have to do is remember, believe it , go for it, and be happy going through the process, and milking all the goodness out of the actual manifestations of what my desires bring to reality for myself.
The journey continues for our family, for myself, and my mom who is a #truetrooper and we all are rooting for "judy on the loose"
( another story in the making) to make a comeback in her own cancer journey. I don't have all the words to express the past couple months but I CAN see the goodness coming out of this contrast. The 2nd half of life and the last 1/4 of life are ones that were very unfamiliar to me only a handful of years ago. Today seems like a new lifetime and a new outlook on what life is, what life brings, how we navigate ourselves through it, and how we choose to look and be within it..... much love and peace and health and bliss to you all.
Happy Holidays and as always thanks for listening... Tami xo
This is my beautiful mother…..
Over 20 years ago I was magically aligned with a little girl who had cancer. I was her fitness and dance coach. At the time, I had a premonition that this cancer was preparation for something in my future. I don’t know how to explain it better than it was just a thought, nothing more. When my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in April of 2015 I thought oh, here we go , this is it. Then when I was diagnosed in September of 2015, I thought , ok this was not planned and this is surprising and in true fashion my sister went first. If you have followed my cancer journey, you know I have thought long and hard about this situation and done lots of self healing. Yes it has worked. I believe so. My breast cancer remains stationary and that is a good enough Victory for me to feel comfortable and solid in my decision and path. I also understand it is not comfortable for everyone else. I am ok with that. We are all doing the best we can. So the journey continues, my mom who has been my most angelic supporter and best friend often time punching board and “Tami believer” has now been diagnosed with ovarian cancer September of 2018…. Yes my sister and I are like WTF!! I sit here at the computer trying to get out my emotions cuz that is what my psychotherapist step mother says I need to do. So that is what I am doing. Expressing myself in a way that is comfortable this week.
Part of me feels like I am at the beginning of my journey again. Part of me feels sad. Part of me feels like I just wanna sit on my couch with my cat and cry. Part of me feels hopeful. Part of me feels a bit fearful. Part of me feels peaceful. Part of me feels this is more contrast to push me even more towards bliss. Part of me feels very deeply connected to my mom and sister. I understand health in a different way than I did 3 years ago and that is helping me grasp this new situation with a bit more peace and confidence. I feel like solitude is much more comforting at this point. It feels more at ease. I am collecting myself and seeking my answers and clarity with meditation and really digging deep again into who I really am and my beliefs and perceptions. Is this a test? To see how far I have come? To see how far WE have come?
When I was in hypnotherapy I imagined and would set my sessions up with “calling in the team”. It became the lighthearted joke, ok Tami “call in the team”. I called upon my mothers, my sisters, my dad, my grandma, my nana, my aunt, and sometimes my girlfriends into each session. The visual was basically me and my team that would march into each situation and I knew that they had my back so I felt much stronger to tackle whatever was needed. It was an extension of universe and source and how we are all connected. How we all can impact each other and magically support each other with just a thought. SO I am calling in team for my mom. The team of people and spirits that can help support my mom on HER journey. The more the merrier because my mom looooves to be social and hang around people. She is the social butterfly in the family… well my sister likes to as well… and I like it to some extent in the right moments. This TEAM I believe is why our family is on this particular leg of what is now our family journey. The belief in humanity and belief in ourselves is in the forefront of my own mind. The beliefs that we need to carry on blissfully and that everything is really ok. The belief that everything is always working out for each of us. That is how I carry on and what I tap into to get through these times. The difference NOW is that I really feel and believe this part of the story. My own personal cancer journey has taught me the infinite belief in myself and the spirt of who I am and why I am here. I know for sure that everything is ok. I travel with the TEAM every day and keep them close to my heart. I keep my angel coin close to remind me that the universe got our backs. I know everything is working out for us no matter what. We don't need to dissect and figure it out but to allow in and receive whatever gifts are arising and being passed to us at each moment in time.
Perhaps written words will help call in the team. Perhaps just my thoughts are strong enough to call in the team. Perhaps the addition of your thoughts are also enough of an addition to move this situation in a direction that permits mom to stay and enjoy life that feels good. Perhaps it is only my moms thoughts that will call in the team. My mom is lively and joyful and DEFINITELY someone you would want on your team. WE are in a good place because of what the last 3 years have showed us in this family journey. MOM is in a good place because she loves to follow and support and experience EVERYTHING her daughters experience and is always 1 step ahead of us. Of course she is super organized and has everything planned out and organized and scheduled in a lovely fashionable order. I told my mom I was gonna start calling her Judy (her name) so she would concentrate on herself instead of her daughters and grandkids. She bluntly told me she preferred glamma and mom. So that’s what we’re working with! A strong headed german descent healthy livin’ smiley and very direct mother and professional that seems to get through everything with flying colors. So I have no doubt everything is ok. It’s getting through these damn humanistic emotions!!
So cheers to my mommy and cheers to the next glass of wine we will share at one of her house parties! Please grab your drink of choice and cheers my mom, send her even more positive vibes, think shiny and purple visions (her favorite color). Life is good and we are all on Judy’s TEAM!! Love you mom!
Send a message to my mom here.. https://www.facebook.com/judy.herbst1
3 years but who’s counting? I am! I wish I wasn’t but it is only natural. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I have felt the most love from individuals and the least of love from individuals. When you change, you see and feel and react to things much differently. I am so thankful for clarity. Even if it’s only my clarity and no-one else believes it, it is my clarity and I am fine with that. It is so true that once you decide to stop caring what everyone else thinks, you can then truly embrace yourself and move forward. It doesn’t mean you don’t listen or care about others, it just means you are tuned in to yourself and value what you want and feel first and foremost. It means you check in with yourself first and see if you are still being true to yourself. The more grounded and clear you are about yourself, the more helpful you can really be to others and the world. If you deplete yourself THEN you don't have the best of you to give. You must have yourself in check with lots of self-love and understand your self- worth so you CAN shine and trust in yourself NOT to look to others for answers or love or approval. We are all human so we all have sought approval and love from others rather than ourselves in some capacity. It's only natural. I did it for many years and it got me nowhere. It got me dysfunction and living life aesthetically instead of really searching inside myself for guidance and answers. So glad that’s over!
3 years seems like a lot but it also seems short. I really can’t believe where I am at in this lifetime and what my possibilities are for the rest of life. I just shake my head in disbelief each day and focus on starting each day with delight RATHER than the pressure and stress and not feeling good that existed in the past. My furry friend Van the cat & some meditation lead me into happy & appreciation each and every day. They say pets are good for us and I agree. Van is the bestest cat ever and I can’t believe he is still here protecting me and keeping me in good spirits. I truly believe that is his purpose. If you know Van, you know he has toxoplasma in his brain, which means he has a parasite in his brain. It has effected his nervous system and he is off balance a lot and has a right arm that is atrophied and has a pee problem. He has remained in good spirits and functional for over 10 years. He is truly a star spirit and has shown me how to just keep going and lead with love. He shows me unconditional love every day and I change his pee pads for him each day because I also love him too.
3 years was not what I was originally thinking. I remember giving myself a year to knock this journey out and get it together. I had no idea this would extend into a lifetime commitment. I did know I had to sift through a bunch of life stuff ,but, I had no idea exactly how to do it or what it would feel like or look like or really what I needed to sift through to be honest. I had no idea that my life needed to break and I needed to have breakthroughs. I had no idea I needed to end certain relationships and start new relationships. I had no idea I would still have crappy days and not feel like anything had changed at all. I had no idea that I would still question myself and my decisions. I had no idea that I would talk to so many people that said they follow my blog. I had no idea I would find new joyful friends and endeavors that think the same way and like some of the same things. I had no idea I could feel such ease and joy and happiness. I had no idea sunshines and rainfalls looked and felt the way they do. I had no idea that coffee or tea in the morning was such a blissful feeling. I had no idea that everything is really not a big deal at all and everything is ok. I had no idea that I could just ignore everything and just be me and go about my day. I had no idea that I could find a way to eat broccoli every day and it doesn’t suck.
3 years is what it took to heal myself. I consider myself a true case of natural healing from cancer. My marker would be thermography. To date nothing has spread and that for me is a victory. I am going to guess that this will never be a way to see IF cancer still exists unless I do another biopsy or have surgery… for what? To prove to everyone that I don’t have cancer? Part of my journey has been to be me, make my own decisions, take in info and be an advocate for myself, do what feels best, believe in my self and my worthiness, trust my self, be ok with what I decide for myself because nobody else is living my life except me, and be ok with me and not let other peoples emotions and opinions and perceptions and beliefs influence what I feel is best for me. It took me a REALLY long time to even understand these ideas and concepts. I have embraced cancer as my friend and it has helped me heal myself. To some I may look like a fool and I am ok with that, better to feel a bit foolish than have death knocking on your door or live a life that does not feel good. To some I may look inspirational, I can’t quite digest that notion, but I am ok with that too if it helps others. To some I have played roulette with my life and I am TOTALLY ok with that one cuz I love challenges and have always been a risk taker. To be totally honest, If I live a long and happy life, then I feel I have done my job at being of service. Even if I die of cancer one day I will still feel that I had the best healing modalities in place. I will feel that I did my best and that I truly was able to not only enhance my life, but to drastically change around what was to what is and attained the abilities to understand myself to an extent that connected me deeply with myself and others in this lifetime. I believe I will pass out of this body and still exist in the energies that float amongst this world and life and I am so happy that I will be able to also connect with people lifetime after lifetime.
3 years has given me the gift of unconditional love and a life that has no rules or regulations and it FEELS SO AWESOME! Just imagine what 3 more years can do for me! So excited for 3 more years! So excited for 3 more years! So excited for 3 more years! THANK YOU 3 YEARS!!!! #watchmefly has been my motto and it has been a pleasure trying to fulfill that motto.
the journey continues....
thx for following and reading and caring-
I’ve been feeling lighter, kinda floaty feeling, sometimes even light-headed. I wondered if something was wrong. I have some appointments coming up and perhaps I am focused on what the outcome could be. I still feel myself straying a bit from new Tami thoughts and perceptions and beliefs and encountering thoughts of the old but then asking myself why am I going back to those ideas. I guess it’s a part of really growing into your own and standing up tall to what you are and what you beez! I see many pictures that represent growth and change and expansion. I still have to pump myself up each week in some capacity to keep going and keep expanding and keep myself enjoying the journey to the manifestations of what I really want and desire. I think I am feeling the “slow down” and “in the momentness” that was missing all these years. That is my only explanation on how I am FEELING these days.
Emotions and Feelings are new discoveries and new ways of being and experiencing life for me. If you are just catching up with my #cancerjourney then please note that the mind-body-soul connection was a real struggle for me all these years and contributed to my poor health. This has been the bulk of my transformation and self healing. I am winds beyond where I was and winds just out there floating around now. It’s amazing how time, choices, retraining the brain, and directing your energies can make such a huge impact on ones life. On my worst days I find myself meditating and sleeping more. On my best days I have the best interactions with people and displays of who I really am from the inside out. I can walk outside and sometimes almost feel levitational and just more or less a spec on this earth floating around. I can be on stage and feel like a beam of light that is just bouncing around enjoying the atmosphere. I can be at home and feel comforted and sometimes alone and yet feel all encompassed by the universe. I grab my angel coin and remember that the universe got my back. I remember that we are all connected and part of the same energy source and realize I am in the comforts of a home I bought and essentially built for myself based on what I need and want to keep me expanding in this lifetime. I remember that this is my reality and I can create whatever I want.
I have always enjoyed being outside BUT this is more like I just enjoy seeing mother nature and it’s beauty. I feel appreciative, grateful, in awe, like a tiny spec, at ease, love, and special all in the same moment. I travel through each day wondering what I will encounter. I think about what I want and what feels good and hope that I am vibrating that same notion and hope that is what I am attracting and vibrating all in the same note. When I encounter certain moments before I meet with a person at the gym or have to be on stage I find myself visualizing and asking and dreaming and creating a fast forward moment that feels good and will be positive and light bearing and easy and free. I hear myself saying the best words and the best pitch and energy that encapsulates what I think is best in that moment in time. THEN I think in that moment right before it’s “to happen” that the universe got my back and everything is okay and whatever happens is ok and is meant to be for now. I actually can see the situation ahead of time and to date if I am having an extra connected day it actually turns out to be what I projected ahead of time. It’s amazing. I think this is part of law of attraction and HOW we can create our own life. I might be getting to whacky for some, but this is what is going on these days OR I am just going crazy. Not sure. I guess both options are possibilities. Either way, if I am crazy, I like being crazy more than what life was before cancer. Thanks Life. Thanks Universe. Thanks Source. Thanks Friends. Thanks Family. Thanks Mother Nature. Thanks to who I have the possibility and capability of being.
Thx for listening and Thx for caring.
My hopes is you can envision yourself asking these same questions to yourself. It took me a while to really get these questions and to really see them and feel them and believe them and trust them and not stray. My quest in self-healing started years ago and I was entrusting only in words to “get it”. I lived life by reading positive quotes and self-help books and yes they were helpful in re-training my brain and planted positive seeds for myself BUT really putting yourself out there in “life” and participating and interacting and experiencing and feeling your way around, the PRESENT MOMENTNESS in every capacity, the rise the fall and in between moments, the goodness, the contrast, the journey of the manifestation, the laughter and joy, making yourself vulnerable, and everything else in between is REALLY what I am discovering helps lead us to bliss. When you can embrace the dark and realize it is NOT a bad thing BUT is something that contributes to helping build the best versions of ourselves and complete happiness and helps us fulfill all our desires. By dark I mean contrast in life, negative thoughts or habits, sad times in life, depression, poor health, anything basically that does NOT feel good. It can be short snippets of dark or longer periods of dark. It’s there to help us get ALL THE WAY UP. :)
My basic barometer in getting ALL THE WAY UP is shooting for the GOOD feeling at every moment in time. Yes some may think selfish, but that is perception, your own personal reality and NOT what soul/spirit is thinking about it. We are all soul/spirit and connected and all part of each other and when one is ALL THE WAY UP everyone else around them can also have that potential to BE ALL THE WAY UP too! When you feel good you are connected to soul/spirit and you are living the truest version of life. When you feel NOT good you are likely encountering ego action and reaction and getting sucked into thought that does not benefit you that has been looming around like the grim reaper forever and ever and it just won’t go away. Time to meditate and reel it in and get connected again people. :) It IS doable and it IS possible and life has so many possibilities that WHY would we not try to get and stay connected. May I remind you I am speaking from experience, not from something I read, and I totally realize that life kicks in now and then and all craziness enters our heads and this all goes out the door. IT’s that point in time that you should feel so FUCKING AWESOME when you realize it and realize what is happening and feel so blessed that you now know how to manage yourself back into the bliss that we all came here for… really. You then have experienced the ALL THE WAY UPness I am writing about.
thx for caring and sharing and loving