Wow! Everything seems to be such a learning process with me. I can't speak for everyone, I just know my own experiences so I will not even try to analyze and say I am helping others at this point in time. Eventually. Now is my time to chill, lay low, gain and maintain health, observe, gain clarity, be quiet and meditate, educate myself and sponge up what I can! I was reading and watching all my blogs recently and I really can't believe that I was diagnosed with Cancer 2 years ago. I have stomped, glided, tip toed, sprinted, jogged, slow walked, and walked over seemingly hot coals during this whole journey. The art of letting go has been a process that proved to be extra challenging and painful. I am not sure I even have everything down pat but I have learned THAT is the perfection in everything. I have turned from Perfectionista to InTheMomentista! My most improved "areas" would probably be listening to others instead of just hearing and still making my own decisions based on the authentic me, feeling all of my emotions instead of avoiding them, cutting off negative thoughts and turning the negative momentum around to the direction that feels better, really feeling grateful and giving thanks and appreciation every day, being open and expansive enough to really receive the daily gifts that are present, and giving and feeling love more than ever! I am currently working on getting and staying in alignment in accordance with the universal laws and the law of attraction.
I dig Abraham Hicks and I love the soothing voice of Deepak Chopra. I love my humidifier on full blast in the winter season and I love wearing winter hats and fluffy scarfs. You could say I am fully prepared for this mid-west hibernational winter season. I am determined NOT to get the winter blues and to come out swingin' this Spring season. I feel my transformation hitting it's peak and I am definitely shooting rockets outta my pockets. I knew it was coming. I felt it. I saw it. I kept the flashes of pictures in my mind “at bay” and chose to keep my heart nestled in loyalty, commitment, and discipline. I feel proud of what I have accomplished. It has been a torturous but very enlightening year and I wouldn’t change it for anything because it has propelled me in the direction that feels better. I am okay with saying that I have been through countless hours of therapy and hypnotherapy and meditation. They have all been super power tools to really help me move forward into happiness. I can understand myself much better and work with myself each day on how to encounter the day and make life feel really great! I cherish all the moments I get with loved ones no matter what is going on in my life and I know that this is where I am meant to be, I can feel the sun shining down even brighter and it even feels different to walk around and see everything each day.
I mention all these things because it has taken me the CONTRAST of this to get to this point in my life. It has taken self-inflicted STRESS on many levels. I knew the word stress and put it in the category of feeling kinda chaotic. Well I have been living most of the parts of my life in stress. I didn’t realize it. I knew it was part of the health paradigm but did not realize that is was a MAJOR component of HOW we get sick. I will even take it a step further and say that I believe that STRESS has played a major role in WHY I was diagnosed with breast cancer in the first place. It got me thinking really what is stress. Unresolved emotions, conflict, squashed emotions, tragedies, traumatic situations, divorces, deaths, lying, cheating, chemical dependencies, addictions, lack of communication, negative words and perceptions, etc, etc , etc. I am sure we can all come up with some kind of list for ourselves. Point is, I never really attributed this to anything but just feeling bad and not really knowing what to do. I had NO IDEA that these things were so dysfunctional in me and were taking such a toll on me. I believed struggling was what I needed to get ahead in life and I wasn’t getting anywhere very fast so obviously this cannot be true. I think we experience dark to guide us to the light but I don’t believe we need to continuously live in these perpetual cycles of doom and gloom like a victim.
I had stressed myself into sickness and no I don’t think I just got cancer on a whim and it is just a sad story. I am sure there will be people that strongly disagree. I have really thought long and hard about this topic and believe 100% that we bring upon our own sickness according to the way we live or the way our parents/family lived, the environments we surround ourselves with, the people we surround ourselves with, how we deal with things, what we think and believe and how we use our emotions, how we operate day to day and cope with life and maneuver through it all. That is me taking responsibility for me and my life 100%. I am not saying that I deserve cancer but I am saying that I acknowledge the possibilities of getting myself out of this mess according to what I believe about health. I am not saying that traditional or western or alternative medicine is right or wrong. I believe there is a time and place for all of it to be helpful in some capacity. I have spent the last 2 years researching how to make myself better. I have studied and achieved 4 different certifications in health coaching. I have watched countless video and documentaries, I have read books, I have listened to oodles of audio, I have participated in self-help workshops, been to meditation courses, seen shamans and energy workers and therapists and doctors and chiropractors and masseuses. Have they all helped in some capacity? Yes. Point is, if I am looking to heal myself we need to get to the root cause of things and deal with it, otherwise we can do all these healing modalities and the issue will keep creeping back and creeping back and creeping back.We can’t mask it with meds or alcohol or shopping or sex or whatever your vice of choice is and expect it to go away or never come back. So Calgon take me away…. unless you have lots of chemicals…. And THEN we can meditate on what is stressing me so I can gain clarity and peace and be the most authentic and healthy version of me. Stress be gone!
Thx for reading and listening and caring.
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