My best friend was a guitar player and is a great musician. I am an entertainer and have not fully embraced musicianship. I love and loved my friend. He has and had many great qualities and we often could smile and understand a feeling or thought perhaps we had about a person or situation. We were together for many years and I love and loved him so. He was my love. This was a chapter in my life. A long chapter. We are human and often had times not fully understanding each other. We are souls to the core of course and I believe we loved each other so and did the best we could and this chapter was just meant to end. Relationships can be confusing and when we are in transitional states I think it is even more confusing. My confusion was not being clear about myself. Letting go seemed impossible.
My letting go process also involved people from my past that brought much pain and it is not meant for me to think about this anymore in this lifetime. Holding onto guilt, shame, and fear can feel very stoic and a bit grave. I chose to hold on to this for years. Thankfully, the more we expand ourselves we can do good and be good and feel good. I believe. A shitload of meditation, self-work, conscious living, living in the moment, and leading with love all the time started a snow ball effect of positivity. The grim reapers slowly dissipated and are essentially erased from my mind. Reiki and Shamans and Therapists and some recordings of Abraham Hicks about the law of attraction also did wonders! Thx!
Saying and mottos keep me even-keeled , and this is one....
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.
In a frenzy state of mind this seems like a dream thought , I was this for many years. In a state of clarity, it seems totally logical. In a state of clarity you can just chill and let go and let things be. You will surprise your self on how you feel and start to navigate through life. Those clingy and needy affection reactions seem to dissipate and you seek love and affection from yourself WITHIN which is even more rewarding and long lasting. You can not attract love from another until you truly accept and love yourself. I know this seems simple and we have said it forever. If you REALLY explore your self and what YOU really are then I think life will feel really good. I am a fine example. I may not have my life and love from the past but the past is not reality and NOW is what matters. I love my life, all my friends and family and acquaintances and look forward to our intertwining ways from this moment on… thank you for being in my life.
Painful relationships from a young age seemed hard to conquer. I think you become accustomed to how you feel and it ends up being the norm. You don't know any better and don't know how to make it better when you realize something doesn't feel good or right for you. You mature in a way that is dysfunctional and that is the norm. I suppose that is why we have therapists. In my case , Cancer, to help turn things around. Along with all the protocols and things I have done over the past 3 years, THIS is a big part of my healing and that is why I am sharing. These self-inflicted stresses of not knowing how to do any better were confusing but I guess that is what pushes us towards what we want to be and how he want to feel. Contrast is a part of life and I am thankful for contrast.
Nowadays, life seems more complete, more feel good, easier, peaceful, and overall joyful. I think our humanness trips us up on how to exist and we hold on to egotistical ways. I have been sad, hurt and confused. I was another person. I was a soul that also continued and continues to love no matter what. Love is now top priority. I didn't know loving myself was priority and did not understand how to truly love myself first. I believe leading with love is also what leads us to serenity and a life that is good for each individual. Letting go a love of any capacity feels hard and terse and torturous. I have learned to let go in a more peaceful manner and move towards what feels good. It was hard to say goodbye. Goodbye my love. Goodbye my loves. Goodbye my past. Goodbye.
For all that have been following my cancer journey...
To date this letting go process and loving myself have been difficult and scary for me to share. It has been many layers I peeled back so I could understand myself better and start being compassionate towards myself and forgive. I feel like I turned into Tami the Explorer. I did not know that I have complete power over myself and that letting go could create such a sense of freedom. We are all human, we are all souls, we all have minds and egos and emotions and I believe in my heart that sharing all parts of my journey will be helpful in some capacity. There are no hidden agendas or messages, just truth about my own person.
Thanks for following and caring about my journey. You are all in my thoughts. I am thankful to have family and friends and professionals to help mend my humanness. I truly am finally in love with life and have a clear vision of myself and what I mean to this world. I believe everything is always working out for all of us. I know we are ok. I have much love in my heart.