So this Chakra pic to the left is basically WHAT I have been working on so diligently the past year. I really had no idea I was SO out of whack. I knew I was waking up with stress and pressure and unhappiness that admittedly I put on myself. I was SO caught up in living what I call the ego-life that I had no idea what I was doing, missing, feeling, being, or projecting. I wasn't a bad person. I was just a very hurt and confused person.
If you are just catching up with my blogs, I have been on a mission to "cure my breast cancer naturally" the past 2 years. I have been successful because I have somewhat mastered my food, fitness, clean products, and finally getting connected with my spirit. I really was dumb to the fact that we have control over disease. It comes from within and YES you CAN heal yourself. I am STILL on my journey and have not and will likely never master everything. But I suppose that is what I have learned is perfection.
The chakra ideas to the left along with positive quotes, mantras, daily affirmations, were all things I have surrounded myself with since I started A Fly Girl years ago. I was saying the words that I needed to hear BUT I really wasn't getting it or connecting or really FEELING what they said. I knew where I wanted to be. I wanted to be out of this trap I felt I was in and out of the repetitive daily routines that seemed so mundane and unfulfilling. I wanted to actually FEEL instead of "act like it". Well this soul searching, digging up the past, understanding living in the moment, letting go, finding peace within myself, getting rid of self-hatred, and mending wounds, have all been part of my transformation. I know I have changed because when I see and feel others around me act as I did, I know I have changed. I am not saying I am better than others, I am saying this FEELS WAYYYY better than before. I can finally breathe.
It took disease to help move me to this place. For others it might come more naturally. For some maybe never. Transforming myself has been the MOST challenging thing I have ever done to date. I had some REALLY BIG demons. They had overshadowed my entire life. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or ashamed but I know this is all part of the process. I still have my crying days. I still have my depressed days. I still have my emotional eating days. BUT in the scheme of things, I feel 99% happier with life, with myself, and what is surrounding me most days.
Gone are the days of dark and heavy. That's the visual I get of cancer. A big dark heavy blob. I feel like it's gone. Perhaps I will die of cancer when I am old cuz it took me so long to start figuring out everything. I am ok with that. You have to die of something. I don't think this will happen, but I also don't have control over the earth, and other people, and all that exists out in the world. That is what I will call environmental. That's what they say is the biggest cause of disease. This thought makes me really sad because it implies that we are doing it to ourselves. The only solace in knowing or believing this is that means we also have the control to change it.... there is hope.
I have participated in many healing modalities the past 2 years. I I am willing to try and learn anything because it is necessary. I want to live free and happy and peaceful and in love. I don't want to have crappy days and feel like the world sucks and that I suck and that people suck. I am learning about reality and it's NOT on TV. I am learning about my thoughts and perceptions. I am learning to love and accept myself. I am learning to live and let be, live and enjoy, live and help, live and let go of the past, live and really be non-judgemental, live and be happy with me. I want to define myself as a soul that is just passing through, that happens to be in this body, and will continue to float amongst the universe when this body can no longer function. When I start to see things clearly and have clarity, I feel kinda stupid posting pictures of myself on fb, or listing all the "titles" of things that I do, engaging in gossip or negative talk, being stylish or picking outfits out and accessorizing, wearing stage makeup makes me feel somewhat of a clown, and when my house gets messy i don't feel right and know it's time to clean and meditate and re-align what has drifted somewhat out of whack again. It's an ongoing process.
I am approaching this transformation like I would as a Personal Trainer with their client. I have talked the talk and this whole thing is really about me walking my talk. I know what to do, I just need to do it. If I don't know what it is in the moment, eventually it becomes clear because now my house is clean. I couldn't see it before because my house was dirty and filled with clutter and junk. I was a hoarder on the inside. I squashed all my emotions. I let myself marinate in the "world" that is viewed negatively and it zapped all that I was capable of being. I let myself be controlled by people and situations and it effected my thoughts and beliefs. It took shamans, therapsists, energy workers, hypnotherapy, opening up communication lines with family and loved ones, reading books, watching documentaries, meditation, online self-help courses, and yoga workshops to turn myself around and be able to SEE. After that, my EMOTIONS started to pour out like a bunch of waterfalls and hurricanes and a "water damn wall" had been released. The remnants are still trickling out. It took cookies and coffee to exist each day.
Today life is good. It feels good. It feels lighter and I can see the light. I am making my way towards existing completely in the light. I am on my "maintenance" plan. Just trying to keep things in check and let it all dissolve naturally. I feel like a new me has emerged and now I have to figure out WHAT to do with her? I feel like I have so many capabilities and thoughts and feelings and ideas that could never shine in the past because of the "state of myself". I look forward to a blissful 2nd half of my life!
Thanks for taking the time to read.
It sure is about baby steps. Comparative to how I was thinking pre-cancer, I had grandiose ideas that seemed overwhelming to achieve. The set up in my mind was full of trickery, internal negative talk, and a negative self image. Never satisfied and always anxious and putting pressure on myself and listening to everyone else and taking everything personal. This mentality was applied towards most things in my life. Boy was my head messed up! My visions were legit, but the process in getting there was none and I was causing myself unnecessary daily stress. I am slowly morphing into a NEW and IMPROVED Tami during my natural healing of cancer journey. To be honest, I don't think much about having disease, I don't let it define me, but i do get caught up in this whole transformation thing. I am still transforming and this one is a doozy. I remember being in my mid 20's, unhappy and unfulfilled and really examining my life at that point in time. I went through about a year of Transformation and yes I thought I had it all figured out. That was my first mistake. Little did my 20something self know that every day, week, month, year, century is all about growing and changing. It's funny how each decade of my life has brought on a whole new meaning to life and my approach. The 40's actually ain't so bad, considering all that I have been blessed with to learn and grow and all the friends and family and awesome people I have encountered.
The beautiful flowers resemble all the gifts I was given and how I can shine and live a colorful life and be a colorful me! It has been interesting, because when the plants have not been taken care of properly they dry up or wilt from too much heat. I felt like a bad plant mom when I saw them in this state. I gave them all a good watering and walah! they bounced back to normal colorful status! Just like living life and picking yourself up after tough times or situations. It was the element of paying attention, seeing and feeling it, taking action to make it better, then seeing the great results! Who would have known some plants and herbs would teach me so much?!! My spirit says thanks to the creator. My mind is still processing. My emotions are warm and fuzzy. My body and eyeballs just enjoy sitting within the color and greenery. :) So all is good in the hood. Day by day they continue to grow.
this is my Dad.....
this is my Dad taking a selfie....
He is the perfect example of taking it day by day. He has been a good example my whole life, I just did not take the time to REALLY enjoy him and let his "in the momentness" rub off on me. He is in his 70's and still spends each week working, cleaning the house, makes meals, fixes what is broken, rises early, organizes each day before I am probably even thinking about getting up, takes time to call me and run through his itinerary, and even goes to my shows once in a while! He really is the coolest Dad ever. He does not stress himself out and let the hard times get him down. He just keeps going like the energizer bunny. He has been this way ever since I can remember and has not deviated. He is in great health and wears a smile every day. He is constantly helping people and giving all that he knows how. I am sure he wakes up with a clear conscience every day and feels great about himself and life. As I am typing these words I am realizing I have the BEST example in front of me and feel super lucky to realize this and to be a part of his life while we are here on earth. I think I ned to call him now and tell him so!
Last but not least is dealing with myself day by day. I am last on this blog because I am working on not being too selfish. However it does not mean I am least. Still working on this negative self perception too. I like this pic because I look confident and peaceful. 2 areas which have been a struggle for me. Yes this is a band pic and it is me being "DJ ShorT" and that is a bit of acting, but it gets me in the right frame of mind sometimes and helps build my character as a human being. Day by Day in this band has created MANY learning lessons for me. My relationship with this band has been a bowlful of cherries AND somewhat torturous on my body and mind. I will add that I made it torturous for myself at times but that was part of the growth spurts and learning how to be strong in my convictions as a person AND learn from all the personalities that are in the band and in front of me when performing. It has been a whirlwind of excitement, butterflies, self-expansion, making myself vulnerable, learning how to be comfortable with myself, socializing , reeling in the demons in my brain, self-expression, different stages of metamorphosis, standing strong as a woman, and being at peace with everything at the end of the day. It is more week by week instead of day by day since I have seen these peeps EVERY weekend the past 14 years. They are extended family and I feel lucky to have this opportunity, especially on my worst days. Thx fam.
was cleaning up my dropbox and reading through some raw material i have been typing out this past year- the randomness in my head is ALOT these days- getting geared up to put more into writing and lyrics- not really knowing which way to go and how to go about continuing- not really knowing what to blog about the past couple months- feeling stuck again- getting to a point that i can feel and see and hear the changes that i have worked hard on the past year and realizing that everything is happening for a reason- that is how life seems to work- just when i think i learned more and feel good the next challenge comes and goes- i gotta believe this is like a tapestry and each stitch has a purpose and is important for the WHOLE- emotions are up and down and rampant every week...
RANDOM LYRIC- no title- no chorus - let's see what happens....
kicked outta bars, kicked outta the stars, fired on the job, but on fire like my color bling
yes color is my tithe and offerings, human with comfort for life and peeps close to me
who brought us to here and now, why are we here to prove? what? how?
we tire of things that try to complete the we and tire of energy being sucked from my cellular being
my atoms and dna are shifting into place as i investigate these unmoralistic ways
got cancer on the brain and cancer in my veins, and cancer in the most voluptuous place
females, get ya titties pressed, get ya kitties in check, let's stir-up this mess
yes!- we a conglomerate, a mass of complete back ass, yaaaaaaaas
fucked to the core if i look at it like a whore and look it it like a negative nancy who’s poor
yet perfect peppermint patties we think we mint condition, until... there’s cruel inflictions
all just a game to get you to submit, so get on your knees and take it like a bitch
we bow to the nielsen ratings so quick, need to be bowing to the soul - get ya inner fix
me like a drug, we all want a quick fix, but it takes community to strike it rich
and it takes immunity to resist, and it takes lack of order to get it straight- that’s the glitch
so switch it up and quit the coast to coast passiveness , get that active itch
we all want the same free vip pass to get in and feel a little important - yes
it’s my planet so i do what seems fit but i also count on you and your leadership
hear that cali will break off one day, i heard the planet will melt away,
got my car plugged into electric waves, trying to console my neighbor whose separated from her family far away,
trying to understand how we got so divided in a nation with altruistic ways,
crying over the words that people are putting in the air waves, feeling so hurt by this humanity,
feel like an animal at a human shelter, ready to die from materialistic gains
ready to fly from realistic mainframe, but confused a whole lot and tainted by reality show fames,
social media that’s profane, rants and rage from cyber space and you tube plays-
toxic ways- wtf - feel like we breaking away and breaking from what can potentially be shades of grey-
hey- maybe this is the ways it’s suppose to be- drop to the low before you get real high?
so sick you might die, then death subsides? 360 and a prize for all that waits on the other side-
if i believe that everything happens for a reason and everyone is doing the best that they know how
at every single moment in time, what does that mean for eternity? can we really all hold hands or get to the magical place
where everyone has an awesome fate? Do the wheels keep churning and we need to see death and prosperity
to turn the earth and rise? what do we all really need to stay alive?
so life continues after the stage fades to black- this is all like my own reality show but noone is taping- i gain pleasure knowing i am the only one watching until i am ready to put it out in the air waves
this #livinginthemoment honestly feels like a wreck most days right now, but, always seems to supply me with a grand vision because something happens every day that i feel totally grateful for- my tattoos "with love" and "with grace and gratitude" are truly a reminder to how awesome life can be when you just exist and participate- i am merely a speck of dust on this planet and there is so much out there to be seen and done! don't get me wrong, I am super hopeful and have a positive outlook for the future and am excited to experience all that awaits me- just taking time to get used to emotions and feelings and all the stuff that has been bottled up for so long- time for everything to escape me- i have been like a jailor to myself all these years and the tides are turning for the best version of me- little did i understand that it REALLY is all up to ME! the feeling to feel free to create whatever you see fit to serve you is really liberating and scary at the same time- old ways creep up but then vanish like the grim reaper in the night- dark fades to light and another day greets me like a gift i can't quite wrap my head around....
so please join me and all the milleneals by taking a few #selfies to celebrate YOU and TODAY and the FUTURE- feeling #hopeful
now can someone PLEASE tell me HOW to take a BUTT selfie? this is the best i could do- still learning... :)
take time to slow down and take care of you- you are where the beginning starts- a fully thriving you can make a HUGE impact on the world......
thx- Tami xo
What about that trendy caption is true and what does it mean? BOSS. Professionally, I am a Boss. Personally, I am a Boss, of me, and working on being a good Boss of me. So I guess you could say I am a Professional Boss since I have been proactive at improving my boss skill level. Just like any other thing in life, knowledge is always power, so knowing more about how to be a better boss could only enhance or possibly help morph you into what you want to be. At least that is what I am hoping and believing. I am thinking some people interpret boss as taking control of things, some use boss as a a slogan to create internal power, some use boss meaning you are a manager of people. In either scenario I think a good question would be is what KIND of Boss are you being? I have worked for some really great bosses and some really crappy bosses. I have worked with some really inspiring bosses and some really demeaning bosses. I am lucky because the majority has been positive. I grew up around parents who were both bosses at work. So you could say I have always been around a boss. Perhaps why I have boss mentality.
"I am a huge fan of slogans, statements, and the power of positivity. What is your personal fav?"
I think being in charge of children makes you think about being a boss and entails many boss duties. I think being a boss at work with adults forces you to interact and deal with many types of people and personalities. I think being a boss of you puts you in charge of all your actions so now you have to take responsibility for you. At least this is how I see the skeletal part of being a boss. The other part of boss I will define as "the implementation of your character on people". A boss is a person right? You could say a boss is a leader, an organizer, a delegator, and is responsible for the outcomes of things. What is a good boss? Well if I had to write a resume it might look something like communicates well, good at teamwork, motivates people, works well in stressful situations, good leadership skills, good listener, proactive, good at conflict-resolution, promotes positive environment, supportive of peers, looking to advance self, others and said company. I have been able to develop these "skills" professionally and they have really helped me grow as a human being as well. However, as I journey through my self-help mode I am having many boss moments and reconfiguring how I look at the term boss.
"Do what you gotta do to make it happen and be the best version of you!"
I am a hip hop fan so sometimes I envision Rick Ross making it rain $100 bills with the caption "Boss". It is a fun thought but my thought was, what really backs up that picture and makes it solid quality? If we equate it to money, we could say well it takes sweat and grind and decisions to make those millions, right? I am not sure, I don't have a million, yet, but that is what I am thinking. Now if you want to be Happy and have Millions, I would imagine it would take sweat and grind and decisions AND the building and growth of personal character to attract this happiness into your life and to be able to create it internally within you? Yes that sounded good!
Point is, we are all bosses and would't it be great if we could all be good bosses of everything including ourselves? Many times I have not treated myself with kindness and understanding and love. These key elements were what was really missing in my professional life which I realized I needed to develop. I had the technical side down, because yeah you can't show up to work late over and over and over and not finish projects and talk nasty to people and still think that you will have a job, right? So why would that not pertain to how you manage yourself? This was my aha moment. I had the technical side down, you know the routine stuff day to day, but i severely lacked in what kind of Boss I was being to myself. Where is all this going? I will explain...
My 2017 slang definition of Boss is: A human being that has developed themselves spiritually, emotionally, and physically which enables them to connect with the world and live a life of prosperity. A true boss is compassionate, supportive, a good listener, treats people equally, and respects all things living. The essence of a Boss oozes into daily life and spreads positive energy which helps create freedom for us all. #iamboss
I would also like you to know that This Boss :) had a mammogram, ultrasound, mri, 2 needle mri biopsies all in the month of December. My boobs ARE still here, and they will continue living with cancer cells for as long as they stay situated in one place and don't spread. :) Thanks for listening, caring, and taking time out of your life to read my blog.
Why do I even talk about emotions and self-love and behavioral patterns and therapy and blah blah blah, isn't that embarrassing and vulnerable and very exposing? yes. However, you know I made an agreement with myself to share my journey and I am not gonna leave out parts just because they are uncomfortable. I think this part is SOOOOO important for many. Why? In my experience, people don't change by mere discipline, they change when they have connected the dots and started to understand themselves better. period. You can disagree all you want. You might be in denial? Yes you are perfect how you are right now. Yes there is a plan for your life. BUT wonder if you could help control the course and outcome by how you think and your perceptions? I am telling you right now this IS POSSIBLE. YOU can change the course of your life right now just by the way you think. Holy crap! Your brain has super powers BUT your soul/spirit CAN be in charge. It needs to be in charge of your ego and your brain power and it needs to coddle your emotions so they can get out and feel the process. Try taking a step back and viewing yourself as a child. What would you say to encourage that child to be, do, think? Be kind to yourself and act as if you are taking care of yourself as a child.
Sounds silly right? Well for some, maybe. I am only 1 example and 1 person so I know there are MANY ways to be free and heal and be you! I would love to hear what strides others have made in life. I think we learn quickest when something BIG comes into our lives. I have definitely taken Cancer and choked the life out of it to better myself. No holding back. No doing it halfsies. Only 200%. I can thank my addictive personality for that. #spankyouverymuch. I am concerned with this part of life because it can help us steer through life in a more successful and fulfilling and happy way. For myself, I can approach every moment and choose to see the good or I can choose to worry and focus on other parts. When you are dealing with cancer, it is better to choose the "see the good" part. Why? Because if u don't it will wear you down to a point where u have nothing left to give. Nothing left to give yourself or others. We could also choose to accept what is happening in each moment and believe it is for the good. I might not agree. I might have feelings of anger. I might choose to dis-engage. And that is fine. It is what it is. If you continue, you will see it all works out. Just like if you get mad about something or have a strong emotion about something and you say ok i will sleep on it and see how i feel in the morning then that thing seems to be a little LESS the next day or you seem to be over it or you seem to have clarity. IT's JUST the PROCESS. oh. silly me. feeling kinda sheepish now. ok let's get on with it.
That has been the sentiment I am slowly growing into these days. I know some drama queens and i think i might just have been one in my past. Drama in my head every day and night. Why? I dunno BUT just like Mary J. Blige I'm gonna get it crunk and perculatin' and have no more drama in my life. I have had some of the BEST and WORST days this past year. Some days I am smiling ear to ear, on cloud nine and PRAY the feeling stays. THEN the next day I get whacked onto my knees again and find myself feeling hopeless and insecure. THEN i sleep on it and the next day don't seem so bad. I pick myself up and keep charging forward. As I meditate to keep my mind in check I often think of the Deepak Chopra saying I know which is "just try doing nothing". Today I am perplexed as I look back at all the work I have put into "change" this past year and feel this statement is so false? Perhaps I just don't understand what he meant? All I know is I have clocked in countless hours of self-work this past year and it has gotten me to places i never thought existed. How can doing nothing be right? I don't get it, Deepak please explain........
So as I face all the challenges that digging into your emotions and past can serve you, I still remain on my health journey dealing with cancer. When I say the word sometimes I can't even believe. I see the stigma attached to the word and can't believe I am part of that category. I can't believe that there are OTHER health strategies that are not even in the MAINSTREAM that people are NOT shown so they can deal with their health. I can't believe that the masses don't think that food can be a miracle drug. I can't believe that people think they are not suseptible to poor health conditions or that it could be looking them right in the face when they look at their family and/or environment and they do nothing. wait!!... yes i can... i am having a let's deal with it moment and stop being judgemental moment people... don't judge... we all do it... i can relate... i just did it... my sister had breast cancer and my mom nudged me to get a mammogram and i laughed it off in my head as if it were not possible that 2 sisters could be diagnosed in the same year.. i pushed LIFE away for many years and told myself that success is how much i do per day and how much i make... i drank to help subside my emotions so i didn't have to feel crappy... i made excuses to not show up because i was always busy doing.... i chose to not listen and think i was right....
gross! ugly! can't even believe! no wonder i felt like sh++. glad it's over. I have started to conquer bad habits, bad relationshops, bad ways of existing, and bad patterns from my past.
Yup. That WAS me. THIS is ME now. Feeling better each day. I have to note for the record that Cancer does not even scare me. Death does not scare me. Has it ever? Not that I can remember. BUT living life unfulfilled and unhappy and unhealthy scares the SH ++ out of me. At this point I don't even care what a test result says because you know what, my mind can determine where I go, not some test result. SOME may think this foolish, however, if you read the paragraphs up above and below perhaps you MIGHT start believing? even a little bit? I have had multiple pee tests, thermograms, MRI's, Mammograms, and Ultra sounds recently to monitor what is going on in my body. In the medical world I should be fully diagnosed, right? No doctor has talked about food or emotions or dealing with the past or how I got here in the first place. They just want to take tests and see what they say. Well I will tell you what they have said. The MRI said I still had "suspect" areas and they have grown in size and changed shape. holy shit! My cancer got worse? The Mammogram only showed the "clip" they put in when they biposied the suspect cells. holy shit! I just cured my own cancer? The ultra sound showed some suspect areas but did not directly correlate with the MRI results? WTF does that mean? The thermogram showed a decrease in area that was claimed "cancerous" but an increase in hot spots in the sternum and areas that could possibly relate to the lymph nodes? NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO STAY SANE AND TAKE IN ALL THIS INFO?? I am not exaggerating. That IS what has happened. I am not complaining as I know it is part of the process. BUT it is confusing and energy sucking, and emotionally draining, and there has to be a better way. FYI, I am doing 2 separate MRI biopsies the next week. One on the right breast and one on the left breast. A biposy is the ONLY way to know if certain areas in your body are truly cancer so that is what I will do hopefully one last time. Wish me luck. I will continue doing all that I have been doing because THIS got me for a LIFETIME. There is no stopping and hopefully when I am further along I can start to really help others in the same predicaments.
Thx for listening.
I know I have slowed down on my blogging. Perhaps the complexity of all this will be a good enough explanation. Feeling lost in a world that can suck you up and spit you out in 1 breathe and gulp is a doozy and yes "it" has been 1 tough pill to swallow. More like 100 tough pills to swallow if I were to be completely honest. However, I have to tell you a quick story. Oddly, there are 3 "visions" I have had in my lifetime. I am being completely truthful here and by "vision" I mean I had a past experience, and during that experience I had a feeling or flash to the future and KNEW something was going to happen. I will tell you these 3 things now. About 20 years ago I was aligned with a sweet girl with Cancer. I was to help her get in shape and feel good. She was in remission and fell back into cancer while I was meeting with her. I had a more than strong intuition that in my lifetime this was preparing me for something to do with Cancer. Also, about 30 years ago I wrote my grandmother and told her I was going to buy a jeep and live in a place in Chicago. I did just that. Then, 14 years ago I actually was at the very 1st Too White Crew show and when I saw the girl on the turntable I thought, "that is where I need to be". 1 year later, I replaced her in the band. Yes these are true stories. I have thought a lot about these stories recently as I dissect my life and who, what, where I want to be while I live out the rest. Perhaps I am waiting for that next vision.
So while I wait, I have been killing time with how to better myself, understand myself, understand the past, the present, and the future as it pertains to me. Yes very egocentric of myself. But you know what I just had another "aha"moment. I was trying really hard to see a positive side of ego, I just discovered it! So while I ride the bandwagon of being egocentric I will share my discoveries. These are just my learnings so far and my own discoveries of what things look and feel like from a different perspective than the past me.I am not a Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz or a T.D. Jakes or an Oprah or a Deepak Choprah or a Judge Judy or a Suze Orman. I do not have a specialty in healing but all these public figures have a bit of their teachings that resonate in my mind. I do not promote any specific products or services in relation to self-help or self-healing or health because I feel every individual is unique and uses what they need over life to get through life. I DO think however there is a Deepness about how far you choose to dig and understand the likes of yourself. If I were to brag about myself it would be just that. I dig deep and I dig far and I always keep going until the job is done. Remember I am a workoholic. :)
So what exactly is this battle and why? Why be part of it and why is it so complex? I will tell you! We all want happiness and health and freedom, right? We say it with ease and it drips off our tongues as if we have it all figured out and it is easy to achieve. We think ok just do what you love and the money will come, marry your prince/princess charming, laugh a lot, and get 15 minutes of sunshine each day. Wonder if I had a client that wanted to lose weight and I responded with, ok, expend more calories than what you consume each day, the client would not hire me right? Just cuz you say it and it seems simple it is not because we are complex human beings with lots of emotions to feel and juggle, a big fat ego that pops up all the time, and a sweet spirit that tries it's best to comfort us. As I have been listening to self help videos and reading books they make it all seem like it should be so easy right? I am learning it is about educating and understanding all the complexities of you. Many people don't do it because it is hard and it sucks to deal with all the complexities you let rule over your lifetime. I have been asking myself if I really wanna open up all these cans of worms and deal with them because they FEEL so crappy. My friends, the journey is worth it... so far. :)
I have learned that fear has dominated and won many battles in my lifetime. Sadly so, I have to forgive myself and let go of my past losses, mistakes, and bad choices. Fear like what you ask? Well fear of spiders is real for me BUT fear of living my full potential and how that trickles into every aspect of my life is a biggie. My friend was telling me a pretty scary story lately of how life has thrown his family a big curveball. They live in fear each day for what? That is not a statement being judgmental it was me asking myself the same question. Fear of failure? Fear of getting hurt? Fear of success? (is there such a thing) Fear of intimacy? Fear of showing your true self to the others? Fear of showing your true self to yourself? I always thought I was not very fearful until this past year. I actually did not now I was living in fear in many different ways. I have always had a "charge forward" kinda personality. I thought I tackled many fears in the past but geez I didn't know I had sooooo many! It's kinda embarrassing as I sit on the couch at the therapists office and cry away my past. but it feels like I have lost about 100lbs so far of mental weight. Holy crap and all it took was guess what..... doing the work. If I were to gamble, which I don't, I would have bet on myself to be "the best" mentally and emotionally since all it takes is work. But like I said earlier , I don't know much. Life had me fooled and locked up in a glacier for years. My inner beast is thawing out so get scared people! I don't mind letting my inner beast rule. I kinda visualize it like the Abominal snowman from Disneyland- I remember I swear I thought he was smiling when we passed him and he didn't seem scary. I remember thinking he was fuzzy and cute. I liked him.
Back to fear, it dissipates as you learn about yourself and can understand your inner workings. Nowadays I am able to pinpoint acting out of fear and my reaction to that and how it has not really been helping me. Out of fear It was also hard to love myself or deal with any/all emotions. Yes, putting my hot messness all out there for the world to see. I know I am not alone so no judgement please. :) It’s not about trying not to feel negative sensations, by staying in your head, judging yourself, numbing out with addictions or making others responsible for your feelings. This was my gut reaction to fear throughout the years. I did not know fear had such a fierce sword. I let it cut me to pieces and now I would like to consider myself like a starfish. I am regenerating. :)
As I regenerate, I now have the proper weapons and tools to fight my ego and keep her in check. Yes weapons because ego is a sassy bitch AND a goblin that lurks behind you. My shadow is now my ego. I let the sun shine on my face so that shadow stays behind me at all times! I shake my head at ego day after day. I cannot believe how much of society is ego. It is mind blowing really. You know when you learn a lesson and a year later you see it again and can't believe you were in that place a year ago? The same thing. I am not hating on peoples egos, because we all have one, but, i still cannot believe. So if I appear judgmental It is highly likely that my brain is just in complete disbelief or I am studying the present ego to help figure it all out better. Or it is quite possible I am being judgmental because my own ego took over. :) We all do it. I just wanna do it less. As soon I was able to think of my ego as an extension of me rather than it being who I was and let it control aspects of my life, I became instantly a bit happier. I was able to live a bit more in the moment. I was able to let go. I was able to stop judging myself and others. I am able to see it when it creeps out like a damn halloween costume. But now we are friends, kinda, and are able to be civil to one another. :) On a bad day, the battle becomes like Gladiator the movie, I have to deal with my ego and emotions all at once and the fight is big and real and there are heroes and villains and slaves and arenas and a tiger!
"Reduced to slavery, Maximus rises through the ranks of the gladiatorial arena to avenge the murders of his family and his emperor." That was the wikipedia definition. Although I feel like Maximus, I am no avenger, but i suppose it is like I am avenging against myself that is why this is so complex people! Taking control of ones life can mean many things and different things for different people. Which brings me to the Spirit part of this blog... my favorite. I do not maintain a religion. I believe in the idea of god. I believe we are all spirits that get to live a life in the body we are given and when it is time to go we float away into the abyss and get to reconnect with all the others who have also left. My mistake was thinking spirit was an extension of who we were and ego was the body capsule that we are and how we act and we should all just learn to behave. I know it sounds crazy. I was crazy. A looney tune character that kept getting zapped by everyone else's ego. Then spirit would come guide me when I started asking questions. That's when it all started for me I just didn't realize it. As soon as I asked questions I started to slowly evolve. Somewhere along the way I stopped asking questions out of fear. Last year, Cancer made me start asking questions again. I got back in the game and now here I am. I am present, showing up, crafting my skills, and am playing as many innings as necessary.
Thx for reading-
Today I was randomly surfing the net and ran across my junky yahoo celebrity gossip news and pressed the blurb about Giuliana Rancic E! news anchor. I don't know why. I think because I knew she had breast cancer at 1 point and that made me click. I am happy to say I have been cable TV free for 2 months now and I now LOVE netflix. No more reality tv for me. It was putting my head in a bad space I think. It was a good choice. Anywho, back to Giuliana :). I read the article and ran across a foundation she created called FAB-U-WISH. It is in support of women with breast cancer and it had a section to "tell your story" and ask for a big "wish". My interest was just that it got me thinking again about my journey, where I am, where i have been and it prompted me to write, so I did it. They first asked to "TELL YOUR STORY" in 5000 words or less! It went a little something like this.....
My sister and I were both diagnosed with DCIS Breast Cancer in 2015. My sister had a double mastectomy and I am currently still trying to cure my cancer naturally. I opted to NOT have surgery or tamoxifen or radiation. My sister is doing ok and dealing with getting back to a normal life. My family, friends, and boyfriend have been very nice and my mother has been a complete angel in this whole process. I feel like a part of my cancer has been about helping others feel ok that I feel like I am ok and am ok with my decision. I have definitely struggled with WHY I have cancer and have tried to gain and maintain a sense of pride and purpose on this journey. I have been blogging and my story can be followed here http://www.aflygirl.com/watchmefly. Most recently, I have not written much. I have been trying to catch up with my finances and just live a normal life but with much more appreciation, in the moment living, and have been building/creating a toxin free life. Lately, I am feeling pretty stuck and unfulfilled. I thought I had it figured out and have been making all the right strides towards a natural cure but now I feel pretty defeated. This cancer has helped open my eyes to things I was doing and being that were unhealthy. My biggest challenge has been to undo the wrongs and make them into rights. Emotionally I kinda feel a mess. My hope is to evolve into a better state of mind. I am trying to keep my focus on change and moving in the right direction.
There are so many layers of change, hurt, realizations, eye-opening knowledge, and happiness all in the same daily picture that it is hard to explain. It's all jumbled together each day. I think about cancer, toxins, feeling like shit emotionally, and trying to be a good person in this world that I have essentially created for myself. I have several hopes and desires that are even more clear for me today, its just getting there that is super challenging. I am trying to be patient and "do the work" to get where I want to be personally, professionally, and within relationships. I look forward to when I can really put my energies into helping others by spreading all the knowledge I have gained the past year in regards to cancer, living with cancer, choices we have that might not seem obvious, and creating/living our healthiest life. I am working on the "happy" part and am anxious to figure it all out and include that in my cancer sharing too. I know I have to live through it first and gain a new perspective on true happiness. I believe I will get there and have the visions to carry me that far, it just isn't really much fun right now.
Speaking of fun, that is also what I am focused on and feeling stuck with believe it or not. When I look back, I see I have missed much fun in my life. I am realizing this is what also helps keep us sane and grow towards happiness. I am also seeing that what we are passionate about also helps us grow into that happy state. These are 2 areas that I desperately need to change and feel I need help with. I feel kind of stupid saying it and writing it out. It seems to be obvious and like I should have really gotten these points a long time ago. So if anything, thanks for creating this portal that made me write it out and see it! I am having an "aha" moment as Oprah would say.
THEN THE PORTAL ASKED ME TO TALK ABOUT MY "WISH" in 5000 WORDS OR LESS...
Cancer lead me here and I am grateful. Even though it feels gloomy at times, I know the sunshine is around the corner. I know from previous self-help times in my life that the changing part is terse and sad and hurts, BUT I also know the after-math is glorious. I look forward to those days. I am struggling, but my struggle right now is helping me find clarity and move on with an even greater life. In a sense, I have almost been scared of Fun and Passion. I am starting to think about what that means for me and what I need to do to get on the fun and passion bus. :) This is the chapter I am currently on in my Cancer story. This is the chapter I am currently living and not living that I so desperately need to change. I can also See and Feel the chapters after.. perhaps that is where I need to focus. These chapters are filled with lots of love, laughter, and smiling faces. I see me creating my next musical endeavor. I see me creating a documentary about cancer. I see me being supportive and helping women and girls with self-esteem so they can help us make the world better. I see light being shed on cancer and health and me using this as a portal to help people be better and live better.
When I saw this portal I just started to write not really knowing what I might ask for? It seems silly to ask for anything. I feel like I have a lot more giving to do in my life than anything. There is the typical money thing, this sh++ is expensive and no insurance covers anything that is considered alternative medicine. I was $20,000 in the hole, but have paid off about 50% of that in less than a year! I have been working my 3 jobs fiercely and with even more conviction than pre-cancer days. I feel happier within the jobs but still not complete. My belief is the amount of money you make comes from what you love to do and are passionate about. I make a decent living and am able to support myself. I have food, clothing, shelter, the basics are covered. I spread love and happiness and support to those who come in contact with me in my trades of work. BUT, if I were to "wish big" , it would be to call "work" my passion and make tons of money so I can go on vacation without bending over backwards to do it, be able to pay my medical bills, and be able to reach a life for me that is more fulfilling and a happy place to be. If I had to be specific, I would take the last 4 lines of my cancer story and elaborate. I would have to do a bit more soul searching and digging. Here it goes!....
"I see me creating my next musical endeavor."
I have "kinda" been a dancer for 35 years. I have been a musician for 15 years. I have been a female rapper for 15 years. When you look at me yes it might seem strange, but for some reason it works. Being involved in entertainment is my #1passion. I love it and it makes me feel the best about me. As cancer approached my life last year, I was in the middle of figuring out what was "next" for me musically. I was ready to leave the band I am currently in, THEN the tides turned and the band showed me so much love and support that I could not leave. I actually quit for 3 days pending my then scheduled cancer surgery. They gave me "time off" , time to create a plan for myself, and time to start to heal. Financially, this time also bought my way back into a salary that potentially could have been gone. It now continues to help me pay my medical bills. I am forever indebted, am eternally grateful, and have a new outlook on my longevity within the band. However, I know I will be at the same crossroads again. I am not sure the exact path to take next musically, but I have made a pact with myself to start writing lyrics again and see what happens. I think an "original" music approach might be more soul fulfilling. I love hip hop and love the current show we have created as a band, it's just fun to think about the possibilities about what could be next for me musically. I have envisioned a musical theater type of show, perhaps it is the story of a girl with cancer? a girl who changed her life? a girl who found true happiness? I like all these scenarios, maybe I just need to live a little longer? So a wish that consists of advancing musically!
"I see me creating a documentary about cancer. "
This never would have been on my list if it were not for this past year. I did not see this one coming at all. This wish would be super awesome because it would be helpful for so many people. My style is to be pretty trendy so the average informational documentary would not do. I hate boring and informational but I LOVE entertaining and informational! How would I make talking about cancer entertaining? Perhaps reality style? I am not really the reality tv type of character but perhaps this is a new type of reality? So a wish that consisted of spreading knowledge about cancer... perhaps a new version of positive reality tv that is not drama filled! :)
"I see me being supportive and helping women and girls with self-esteem so they can help us make the world better."
I started a brand called "a Fly Girl". I currently turned the website into a blog site. I was selling imprinted inspirational women's tops and bottoms and jewelry. My goal was to really give women some positivity and good self-esteem. I was in sell-sell-sell mode and was not having much luck with it financially. When cancer kicked in full gear for me I created my own inspirational hashtag #watchmefly and created a few clothing items to sell. I blogged because it was important to me. I realized I needed to share my journey because not only would it help me heal, there is a lot pertinent information for the general public. I would wish for someone to help take my brand in the direction of being successful financially.
These 3 wishes will help lead me to shed light on cancer & health. I will use these portals to help people be better & live better.
That is my wish!
So I pressed the submit button and it said "saving" and doing that whole icon spinning and nothing happens type thing in internet land. So it prompted me to email my story and wish. I did email it and have no idea if it will go through or go to junk mail. I have no expectations of a response it was just good to write again. After I emailed it I went on the website again and read through it a bit more. I found a part that said past "wishes granted" so I started to read. I began to feel kinda foolish because the wishes were things like.. Debbie had a party for her friends, Shannon had a photoshoot, Davina had a fashion makeover, etc etc... You can see why i might feel a bit stupid now right? In my head I justified it and said well Giuliana told me to "think big" for my "wish". THIS is my big! To be honest I felt kinda like a hot mess. I got over it pretty quickly though . :) I remembered some scenarios that made me feel a bit better. I thought of times I "went all out" the kinda "go big or go home" type of scenario. I realized that is who I am. That is how I live. I am ok with that. I can adjust parts of it but I think I kinda like my life like that. That has been the thing that pushes me forward. It has also been the thing that gets me caught up and "stuck" too. I AM working on it. Working on making it work better for me in a healthier way. This was just another lesson within a scenario that got me back into the game and thinking BIG again. Thx Giuliana!
Thx for taking the time to read this!
Seeing life from different colored glasses has sure been helpful. It doesn't happen overnight, but imagine if you could change the way you feel and think? That is part of the self-help stuff I have been working on week after week. I always thought I was pretty smart when it came to relating to people and having a unique intuition and putting myself in other peoples shoes. I was, but not nearly as much as I thought I was. I am learning to say I don't know and that's ok. No more time for trying to be right and feeling the need to prove myself. What was I doing and thinking? I completely wasted time and energy on this for many years. It steered a part of my life and created fear for no reason. I think my new motto in this realm is "who cares". Not that i don't care about anything, but as soon as you truly stop caring about being right or needing to have the correct answer or feeling the need to prove yourself, you are living a more fruitful and free life. I am sure this could be applicable for many pressures we put on ourselves.
We have learned and soaked in all the stuff from the past and we are here now. Everyone does the best they can at every moment in time. This is not time for the blame game. We have to be responsible for ourselves. We come to forks in the road and/or have moments of cloudiness, and/or act in certain ways that are displeasing to our soul. What do we do? Ride it out and let the emotion pass and keep doing what we are doing? Well let me tell you that is what I had been doing the past 10 years and it didn't work out so well. But if I put my yellow sunshine glasses on I can also say in the same breath that yes it got me here and I am starting to see and feel positive changes. In my house, nowadays these ideas are rumbling loudly... The idea that everything happens for a reason. The idea that what you put out is what you get back. The idea of taking charge of your own life and self. The idea of taking responsibility for your actions, words, and decisions. I call this Karma. I don't necessarily believe in reincarnation but it is fun to think about it. I think of Karma as the whole process of living life, learning life, learning about yourself, and taking strides to create the best version of yourself along the way. We all know it has it's ups and downs and when those downs are showing up repetitively in our lives, we can use it as a sign that something needs to change. This calls for self awareness.
If we cannot take a look at ourselves and help and treat ourselves in a loving manner then the world will never change. We will never change. We will never be free. We will never be truly happy. We will be stuck and stuck in " groundhog days". That is what I am happily moving out of and understanding. I thought I was self aware, but I had on some big a++ blinders. I made excuses and beat myself up and continued unhealthy patterns knowing it was not getting me where I wanted to be in life. I think a zombie took over my life for a hot minute. Well, lots of hot minutes. It's kind of awesome though because when you have your realizations and aha moments you start to change you, which then leaves room to create a new you, which then leaves room to create a new day, which then leaves room to create a new life, which then leaves room to really start to help create a new world. It really is a simple process that seems so complex. It's kinda like when I was telling my mom what I was using to clean my sink countertop nowadays. I was the queen of cleaning and would get out the bleach and tilex and mr. clean and windex, and soak up the toxic chemical fumes cause I just really wanted the house to be clean. That is what I knew. Then cancer came and after I learned and investigated about toxic chemicals, I changed. I also had to learn that the "New" clean smell around the house was actually clean. It was no longer the chemical and fragrance that were in all the cleaning bottles. So my answer to my mother was.... "i used soap and water". Who woulda thunk that the old fashioned soap and water would get my countertop just as clean. A simple solution. The lesson for me is that I got sucked up in all these modern day "fix its" and it was contributing to my life in very negative ways. We want everything quick and fast and a magic pill. It seems as though long gone are the days when you actually take the long route that is solid, trustworthy, proven to work, and often the journey of it is the fun part that adds to feeling fulfilled and complete. All you have to do is let yourself.....
I am getting off point here so let's recap. We are all wonderful human beings. We made it here alive and we ARE here for a REASON. So what is yours? What will you do with you? What will you do with your life? How will you contribute? Point is we may be lost a bit sometimes but it is possible to find the way. It just takes old fashioned effort and time. Imagine that. Envision a new you and a new life. What does it look and feel like? Now make a plan and try to start moving forward. Start with creating a great you!
More heavy stuff alert....
#watchmefly was purposefully named so I had a catch phrase to motivate myself to keep moving forward through this journey. As you know I like mottos and this one was specifically made for me. As I move week to week and fall into some lulls and travel over the bumps and cracks and crevices and potholes and ditches and mountains and rivers and forests and woods and... you get the picture. I know I am not red riding hood but dang i sure feel like it right now. So as I travel this journey and embark on the emotional side, the really important side for me, I find motivation in people who tell me to "keep going" and "you got this" and "you're an inspiration". To be honest, right now that is the only reason I write. I really feel like I don't have a lot to say, but I am assuming if people are saying this, that means someone is listening and my words may help someone else. I have a lot on my mind on how I want to use my experiences BUT i have to get out of this emotional water well 1st. I figured I would elaborate a bit on what I mean by emotional part and the self-help stuff that I have talked about in previous blogs. As i figure my own self out, it has really helped me understand some missing pieces and how to explain them to people. The part I am most excited about is when I will get the chance to really be one-on-one with a new client who is struggling with their fitness and/or health. I will now have some magical answers on that 3rd part of health & fitness that many people miss. I have seen many people achieve fitness levels and weight loss and perfect health. I have also seen the mundane and depressed and defeated look of people who struggle to battle their emotional issues. It holds them back and it holds them prisoner from being and doing what they want. I am your prototype. I have been through it. I have started to heal. I have seen the results. I have turned tragedy into triumph. I have turned sour relationships into thriving ones. I have battled my own demons to get to that happy place. I am happy to say IT IS POSSIBLE. I am also here to say for me, IT IS VERY HARD TO DO. It takes 100% commitment and the decision to move in that direction. It takes Bravery and it takes people who surround you the willingness to hear you out and work with you.
I think I picked up on self-help books from my mother. I remember her reading many books by her bedside when I was growing up. I also remember my parents going to marriage encounter before they were divorced. I remember them sending me to a therapist as well. Ironically, guess what, guess what we talked about? EMOTIONS! I don't remember how many times we met, but now that I think about it, I wonder if that money was well spent? :) I am definitely pro- therapist and having a person to " talk it out" with. I think it is an important part of health. BUT in true Tami style I did this recent revolution by myself. I read, I watched, I investigated, I researched, I went to trainings, I did online courses, I wrote things out, I meditated, AND I am STILL doing all this. I am by no means done. I think it will be important to keep doing the do, just like i need to keep doing the food, fitness, non-toxic products, etc. This is a lifestyle and a lifetime commitment. I think over time I will ease up and be able to let go of the reigns a bit, but for now, they are tight.
I started when I was in my late 20's. I had my first transformation and it was a doozy. I lost my college weight, got more active, and bought every book and audiobook by Iyanla Vanzant. I was in a super crappy and confusing relationship. For 1 full year I woke up in tears and chugged through the day. I remember this chunk of time in my life was me figuring out what to do with my life and how to build back a positive self-esteem. I was unhappy with every aspect of life. I was fortunate to have a job that eventually fizzled down to 3/4 time, then p/time, then 1/4 time. It afforded me the opportunity and confidence to really start paving my way through life. I would have to give a special thanks to A-Z Entertainment and the 2 Howard's who were at the helm of my 1st metamorphosis. Thank you. I was able to start pursing teaching, fitness, and music which eventually morphed into my new full-time job. I thought I had my sh++ together. Nope. Little did I know at the time, as soon as you think everything is good, you get another lesson and life takes over again. This has remained true and a constant ever since.
My 2nd transformation was in my 30's. It involved getting my finances together. It blew chunks and I hated EVERY minute of it and at the time I am sure I cursed my mother under my breath over and over. Yes my mother was at the helm of this one. Also, my aunt was her sidekick, so aunt Jan probably got some foul language from me as well. I was in a deep financial well that had spawned from College. Holy crap. Who would have known that when credit cards came out and they started sending them to all people like water that it would create a world of gloom and doom for many. Not to mention college loans that take FOREVER to pay off. Interest rate city and the never-ending balances that would not go away. Hard lessons learned on how to juggle your money, plan accordingly, cut back on spending, start a savings, pay off debt strategically, and how to start increasing your own income. I dug into my 2nd BIG batch of self-help with Suzie Orman. She was my screensaver. Yes people made fun of me. I didn't care, I said I was on a mission and guess what, it worked!!
My 3rd BIGGIE BIGGIE BIGGIE can't you see transformation, well right now! Cancer happened. It woke my a++ up in ways I never thought. To date it is the biggest and most helpful transformation. This one, I am personally at the helm, and that has been really important. I thought I was a pretty confident and balanced person. I just personally kicked my own a++ with self-help and right now I am in the growth stage, the rest stage, just like after you have an intense fitness workout. You peeps are my protein, thx! You are super tasty and I love you! I think I needed the experience of putting in the time and work and trusting in myself to get it done and be and feel successful. I guess this all happened for a reason. I look back over the last year and see so much change in myself. Parts are visible and parts you may feel, and some parts not so obvious. But I know all i have done, seen and become and that is the important part right now. You know things have changed when you see and witness people and situations that were your "old ways" and you wanna stop them and warn them. But everyone has their own path. Mine was only for me. I trust that everyone is doing as best they can at every moment in time. My last famous motto... it is what it is. I cannot force me, my and mine on others. It has to be organic. Yes my food has to be organic as well. :)
I remember when I started this journey thinking this is gonna be challenging. I was right. When I started educating myself on all the gazillion things I could be doing to be healthier, I thought holy crap I am gonna have to Dig really Deep on this one. I am gonna have to be an advocate for myself. I am gonna have to put on my blinders and ear plugs at times to get through the days. I am gonna have to let go of every single thing I breathed, ate, consumed, used, wore, believed, spoke, heard, and saw in order to start fresh and create a new life and a new me. I know there are people who don't understand or don't believe. I understand. But what would you do if you had cancer? I went from a decision to whack off my boobs to a decision to NOT do the norm. I choose to use and believe some things that some call quackery and claim there is no evidence or statistics or solid doctor proof. Right now, in the words of Charlie Sheen..... " I AM WINNING". I really feel this way. I have gained so much life from my research and experiences and changes. I believe I could very well keep living organically and never have surgery or radiation or tamoxifen or chemotherapy and live a full and happy life. My cancer could stay put and never spread because of my lifestyle changes. My MISSION... to spread the word on the POSSIBILITY.
Thx for listening. Tami xo
Today I was tossing and turning thinking about what to write on my #watchmefly blog. It has been 2 months since my last blog and honestly I have been unsure what and when to write. I want to share. I want to help. I want to heal. Those were the only things I could come up with in the past months and it just didn't seem like enough. I needed a subject, a thing that happened, an aha moment, a focus on what to write. People are asking, "how are you doing?", I say I am doing well thanks for asking. That is the truth, however, honestly I just want to say I feel like shit and this part of the journey SUCKS big time but I regress because I don't want to be anyone's debbie downer and I know what I am doing is all for the good. There, I got it out. This is my focus today in my journey. Release.
If you are just joining my journey or have not read through all my blogs since the beginning of time almost a year ago, let me catch you up with a quick summary. I was diagnosed with breast cancer almost a year ago. I chose to heal myself naturally. I still have the "version" of cancer that I started with, which is a very low-grade type. I have made tremendous strides instituting "everything healthy into my life" and "ridding what is not healthy". I feel good about my decisions and progress. I am ok and currently successfully living with cancer. I am at a turning point. That turning point is.... trying to be OK with being OK based on choices and decisions that I make to live the type of life I want to live. Being OK for me means NOT waking up every morning with any depression, sadness, anger, hatred, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, feeling suppression, and trying not to judge myself and/or others.
I am wandering aimlessly right now in this journey. It feels like God came along, picked me up by the hair out of my house, plopped me in the middle of another country without any clothes, then said go ahead start living. As i looked with fear into his eyes I realized all i had with me was my memory. Really think through this scenario, let's dissect it shall we? a- you are naked, how embarrassing, b- you have no food or shelter and have to fend for yourself, c- you don't know the language and need to figure out how to communicate to get what you need, c- you are merely fighting to create a life and stay alive. Yup, that is how I have been feeling about my journey. I also have another scenario to keep it fresh and interesting. I feel like I am on Celebrity Apprentice but this version is a bit different. In this scenario Donald Trump said " Tami, you have cancer and I want you to raise 5 billion dollars as fast as you can and figure out how to heal yourself and the world". Several times at the end of each task check-in he said "you're fired!" but in this version I never left, I said f*** you i am staying and figuring this out! In this blog, as I am typing this out, I am realizing these are choices I have made and thoughts I chose to focus on and this is why I am feeling the way I am. Another Aha moment! Thx! I knew sharing my story was also healing so you are my witness now. Trust me, this NEVER ends when you seek to continuously grow and change, and truthfully I want to keep evolving and growing and changing for the better. I asked for it and now I am smack dab in the middle of what I asked for.... :0 Change. Growth. A healthier mind. A healthier body. A healthier life. The will to do it.
This natural healing stuff is not just about eating maitake mushrooms, drinking essiac tea, using essential oils, making your own detergents, yoga & meditation, etc....... for me, It is about utilizing this huge RED FLAG that appears in your life, taking it by the bull horns, trusting and believing in yourself, making decisions to better yourself and your life, giving , living, and enjoying what is right in front and around you at every moment in time. My HUUUGE mistake has been drinking, eating, shopping, and watching movies & tv to help all the emotions dissipate and feel nothing except "full" of/on these vices. Why? to be honest i don't know why. But I know I was doing it, I know it wasn't healthy, I know it contributed to where I am now. I also used fitness as a means to balance me out and my only freedom of expression was on stage. Holy crap. I cannot believe I figured that out all by myself. I am amazed really. A few months ago I was feeling like there was still a huge chunk of something I needed to go through. Ladies and Gentlemen, the past 3 months have been torturous emotionally but i am still standing and in the end i see unicorns and rainbows. :) I have cooped up emotions from years of living and they are all coming out like Niagara falls. I have felt every emotion under the sun. I have been disgusted and angry and insecure and fearful and sad and agitated and unfulfilled. I have also felt happy, peaceful, relaxed, and fulfilled. What does this mean? I know I am changing and the self-help work I am continuously working on IS working!! I can look back and see the changes and feel the changes even though they are just now starting to flourish. I still feel lost without a compass, but I feel like I am living a better and happier life.
Thx for listening. I am cutting it here due to sharing too much heavy stuff at one time. :)
"Talk about it. Be about it." My new motto for the summer! I am a huge fan of positive quotes, affirmations, and sayings. I think because I know that what i put in my head is how i will think and that what i surround myself is what is likely to get marinated into my body. However, that being said, I have been on this for quite some time and feel the need to step it up a notch by taking more "action" and live out what i have been reading and been inspired by from all these words. It's time people. We can post all day and share and seek out these clever and inspiring words and have a moment of thought or emotion about the meaning behind them, but then what? Are we just supposed to magically feel inspired and say we got the lesson out of the words then move one? I suppose. But what if we could put the words into action in our lives?
Cancer lit a match under my butt and now i am sharing these awe-inspiring aha moments, thoughts, excursions, self-help modems, and fun adventures because it is self-healing and because I know if i share someone might also benefit from my story that is now my #watchmefly blog. I would like to personally thank Cancer for helping change my ways, my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs, my bad habits, and my life. This is now my new life and my forever life. I cannot stop, because If i do, i now know the repercussions. So Cancer is now my friend, Fear has left the building, Forever is my new relationship, Living in the Moment is my new job, and I will be cleverly redesigning my new life. There is a new light, a new hustle, a new beginning, and lack and struggle are a thing of the past.
I can declare that living with Cancer IS a possibility. I am not on death's bed, I am on cloud nine from all the light that now shines brightly in my life each day. I am the change in progress that needs to happen to live a beautiful life.
if you want to enjoy inspiring quotes, healthy recipes, diy beauty tips, diy home detox solutions, fun blog videos, or just surf the net for a few minutes to take a break from your day please join me here... facebook.com/aflygirlfitnessfashionmusic
I am also running an awesome special in the aFlyGirl online store! I am cleaning out the closet and giving deep discounts to make room for some new items! So! if you like surprises and you like packages in the mail and you like my aFlyGirl gear take advantage of this deal HERE!
omg! i feel so naked right now!! :)
what is this?
My thermogram. In short, It detects "hot spots" which "could" be indicative of issues in your body. Basically, the ORANGE colored ones could be indicative of what is going on in my body. This is my 2nd--- 6th month Cancer marker Test. It indicates minimal "hot spots" that essentially correlate to where I started when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 9-2015. My previous test was an HCG (i call it a cancer pee test) and the results were basically the same. I chose these 2 tests because they are very "non-invasive" to the body. I will take these tests every 3 months for the next year to see if I have any changes from test to test. So now I have a baseline and can move from there to keep this cancer in check. Here is what I had to do to prepare for my Thermogram....
THEN WHAT HAPPENED?
I met with a woman name Eniko Fodor who did my actual scan. I had to rest naked from waist up and hold my hands above my head for about 5 minutes to let it all air out. Nothing unusual for me.. :) Then Eniko used a digital camera on a stand that looks like one of those really old school cameras from the early 1900's. It was connected to a computer so it could scan my upper body frontside and backside. I stood center , then turned and posed right, turned and posed to the left, then turned and posed with my back to the camera. Yes I smiled for each pic even though you can't see it. :) She sent my scans away to a doctor who actually reads the scans and then sends the results via email to me with a security code so no one can check out my boobies on line without my consent:). This is some of what they sent back to me along with the images above...
what exactly is thermography and why?
My understanding that YES being proactive with "early detection" is key to beating cancer. However, I have also learned that a Mammogram compresses the breast so much that it CAN help SPREAD the cancer that might already exist. I have also learned that the DIE that is used during an MRI has toxic elements that can stay in the body. This made me feel like those were not options for me at this point in time. Remember the whole idea is that my immune system is down because there are so many toxins in my body. I cannot be purrfect and eliminate EVERY toxin, BUT I can make an effort to pick and choose and eliminate MOST from my daily life in many ways. (I will re-discuss this in another blog) Here is a simple low-down about Thermography....
if you want to try this out, this is the company i used...
No this is not covered by insurance. My 1st visit is $225, all follow ups are $125. I was able to schedule an off-site appointment at a facility in Chicago. I also would imagine you can do this sort of BODY scan on other parts or your whole body. I feel good about using this method and will continue to mark my journey. I am feeling good and will keep charging forward. This COULD very likely just STAY AS IS and I live with it my whole life. I will just need to keep up with all the NON-TOXIC changes I have made in my life and work towards eliminating most TOXIC things from my life forever and ever and ever.... on my!
Thanks for reading and HELP me spread the word so we can help people get informed!
Much love- Tami xo
I know that Fitness and Food can act as a CATALYST and HEALING agent on many levels. I know that Cancer means my immune system is down. I know that all the molecules and atoms that make up my body NOW are ever-changing and I am turning into a different molecular makeup year after year. I know Cancer CELLS can be REVERSED. YES PEOPLE. Do some research. I KNOW WHAT can CAUSE cancer and (smoke, fragrance, chemicals, genetically modified foods, non-organic foods, synthetic fabrics, etc) ADD to spreading Cancer and getting Cancer. BELIEVE it or NOT, Genetics, is low on the list.
So why don't I have the RIGHT to DEMAND all-natural, all-organic products & services. Why has society even come to a place where it is NOT the norm? WHY are most products harmful? People, this is my next venture. An ALL-ORGANIC place where we can comfortably buy and sell products that are natural and we no longer have to SEARCH what is HEALTHY for us. Sigh............................
The Personal Trainer and Nutritionist is coming out in me now.... YES I am being judgemental.... I see SO many people that eat like crap and do not lead a physically active life. NO- I do NOT know ANY people that lead totally unhealthy lives and have NEVER gotten sick. If you know any, let me know, let's do a science project and try to figure out why? Perhaps that is the difference between living until 100yrs old rather than 75yrs old? Perhaps some people only want to live until 80? Ok. I get it. I really do. I personally don't know if I WANT to live past 85, BUT that's just me. Perhaps I will change my mind.
WE have made CANCER into a BEAST when really it is a LEARNING LESSON or a GROWTH period in our LIVES, or a THING that has shown up in YOUR life and the LIVES AROUND YOU to SHOW you the LIGHT. At least that is what I believe. I am NOT a victim of a disease BUT an ADVOCATE for HAPPY & HEALTHY living. I learn the hard way and God said HERE! Try this one on Tami! I said, oh yeah? Try me! Time to buck up and give all that I am and all that I have. AND this is what I have done.
CANCER does not define me and I do not need a pouty face or frowny sad face to believe that you feel sorry or have empathy. I know that sounds brash and yes it is. BUT I would rather someone read my stories and feel empowered and inspired rather than sad, depressed, a victim, woe is me, & life sucks. WE are WHAT we create and WHAT we put out into the world. Yes we will have hard times and need to get through the emotions of LIFE. I am NOT saying SUPPRESS your FEELINGS. I am saying, have your feeling, get it out, and move on buckaroo.
SO, in this lifetime, I get tattoos to remind me about HOW to live. Go ahead. Disagree. Say oh! Why do you have those! I will tell you. They are a permanent reminder on some REALLY VALID points of LIFE. Does Everyone need these? No. But I do! My mom said she didn't disagree with the first one I got on my wrist SO I got another one! Thanks mom! Just remember you approved so you are to blame now! :) j/k. I know that I am fully responsible for my own self and my own actions. So if you find yourself in a state of denial... you best take heed, yes in deed! You cannot change ANYTHING but yourself in this world except yourself and IF you ever want to CHANGE the world or wonder what you have to do to make a difference you HAVE to take a look at yourself first! I learned this long ago and believe me it is NOT fun. You have to do a lot of eating shit and eating crow and kicking yourself in your own butt. Yes we ALL have learning to do BUT it does NOT mean that you suck! It means you ARE learning! so CONGRATS! I love you! mean it!
Today I received another message in support of my journey. It made me think of all the people that have given me well wishes, sent messages, shared information, given me support, prayed for me, purchased my aFlyGirl gear, and the list goes on! So a BIG thanks to everyone who has been involved so far with my #watchmefly journey. It is eye-opening and has allowed me to also work on my receiving skills :). I am now an open book, an open mind, and open for anything that comes my way. Life has changed and for the good. I feel like September 2015 was a lifetime ago. I continue to charge through my breast cancer journey and look forward to WHERE this all brings me. I also look forward to maintaining all the changes I have worked tirelessly on and to the new ME. I have really been challenged to clear my thoughts, become silent, and begin to really know WHO I AM.
Whoa. Life shifts in mysterious ways. --- xo Tami
Gee it sure flew by! September 2015 feels like a lifetime ago. Perhaps because I have made so many changes and had many new experiences. I am happy to be coming out of my winter hibernation cave and back to the real world with my real jobs. :) I recently ended my hiatus with a 15 day road trip. It was just what my soul needed. These 6 months have been like rediscovering myself. My likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and opening a whole body of emotions that I think just needed to escape this body. Even though the 15 days were super adventurous, they were filled with ups and downs emotionally. At one point I discovered that I had been blaming myself for getting breast cancer. I needed to forgive myself and let it all out. I believe the way we live our lives contributes to our health, so I do take responsibility, and have really pushed myself to move forward and out of this dark hole. It's not always the obvious stuff like what you eat or not exercising or beating up on your body with bad things like smoking or drugs or alcohol or junk foods that just contribute to sickness. It is also about what I call the "happy factor", the "ego factor", the "soul factor", the "thinking factor" and the "emotion factor". I had a lot of learning to do AND it was all very worthwhile and eye opening. In fact, when I am declared cancer-free, I have NO DOUBT that these specifically were contributing to where I was in my life.
I will break down these 4 things so it makes a bit more sense and I will be very simplistic as well. The "happy factor" is what I consider to be the things you are physically doing to make your life complete. Who you surround yourself with AND What you do day to day that makes your days go by in a flash or drag on forever. As I move into even more happiness, the days seem short and I seem to appreciate and enjoy the little things (ie: a cup of coffee, the sun, brushing the cats, waking up, my nice home, etc). The "ego factor" is simply understanding we are separate from our bodies and our thoughts. WHO we are is not our body and our mind. I now consider my ego like my shadow, she needs to follow my lead and understand that my soul is in charge. :) It is hard not to get wrapped up into ego garbage and I am still working on it, but when we live in an ego driven culture, it makes things pretty difficult. I feel like I need a shield. The "soul factor" which is my favorite is what I refer to as WHO I am and WHAT I am. I believe Soul is what connects us all and makes us one in this world, which means YES we are all the same and equal even if we look physically different. Each soul has a purpose while we are here on earth and that is what can guide us in healthy ways to really make the most of life while we are here. The "thinking factor" has got all of us fooled at one time or another. The brain is tricky and with all the swift marketing and advertising these days we are all sure to be fooled into thinking ways that are detrimental. This factor I have been working on for years. This factor is part of the reason I started a fly girl. The idea of re-training your brain with positive thoughts. Imagine how your life could change instantaneously just by the thoughts you have or what you CHOOSE to believe as your truth. YES it is that simple. Try it. If you are in a situation where you are thinking someone is hating on you in some capacity, imagine and think thoughts that they just love you so much and think you are the bomb. You have to believe it. It changes how you interact. It puts you at ease and not feeling negative or defensive. It might take a while to learn this process, but it DOES work. The mind is tricky! The not so fav, the "emotion factor". It sucks to feel crappy. It sucks to feel insecure. It sucks to feel fearful. It sucks to be angry. It sucks to feel jealous. Sometimes we are even our worst enemies by not allowing ourselves to feel love, joy, laughter, cheer, or pure awesomeness. I battle emotions day to day, especially with cancer, and i am learning it is part of the process of life. I understand the uncomfortable feelings will disappear sooner than later and it just is.... I also am happy to know that as life gets even more full and we master all these "factors" there CAN be LESS sucky emotions! I am waiting patiently as I trudge down this path.
I was on the treadmill today at the gym when I saw on TV a commercial about the glass 1/2 full or empty concept. It was saying how it is always FULL because it is essentially 1/2 water and 1/2 air, BOTH which fill the space. I thought about this concept and how it applies to life and was glad that this new concept was introduced because it is so true. Your glass IS always FULL, it depends on what YOU fill it with! This concept definitely summarizes a BIG lesson I have been learning throughout this journey. I am also happy to report I have always been on the best path for me. THIS time in my life is just letting me glimpse back and see the strides I have made and assures me that everything is ok. I have had so many little AHA moments and MANY moments where I just start crying. So if you see me and I cry it is not a bad thing. It is a cry that just needs to leak out momentarily, these cries are just coming randomly and not really at the most opportune moments though. Yesterday I was interviewing a candidate for a fitness instructor position and I started crying, pretty embarrassing. It got worse when I couldn't stop. :) I wasn't balling, but it was definitely uncontrollable. I left feeling pretty stupid but now that I think about it, it is just part of this whole process.
It is interesting when you are open with yourself, with people and the world. WHAT magically appears is love and support from unsuspecting people, places, and situations. I have had so many moments of pure bliss these past 6 months. I can only attribute this to living my truth and being open and honest. I hope it continues. It's awesome. I now wake up in the morning WITHOUT the overwhelming feeling of anxiety about what I need to accomplish that day and in life. This was an every day occurrence for me for many years. Pressure on myself to be successful. I always re-defined success for myself as doing what makes me happy, but would always allow myself to feel pressure to make more money or do more or be more. A pressure I put on myself. I was also leading a very restricted life because of my thoughts. I thought I had everything pretty much figured out...... NOPE! I have prided myself in always doing self- help and being the best that I can be. However, I have also created many hardships for myself and have bailed myself (sometimes with help) out of every situation. Boy was I being egotistical this whole time, because now God said.... HERE- try out cancer and let's see how you get through this one..... thx God. I truly mean it. Cancer has changed my life in many good ways and I am hopeful to tell you shortly that I am cancer-free. I am not sure I will feel relieved. I honestly feel like I am healed. I felt from the beginning that this was my best option to create success. I also know that the journey will not stop. I consider this the 1/2 way point. It't like losing weight. You can shed 20 pounds but then HOW do you keep it off? So lucky for you my blogging will never stop:). We will keep learning together and sharing and hopefully we can all move even closer to our own happy life!
I have 3 cancer tests lined up over the next 4 weeks. an HCG test ( pea in a cup and dry it up and mail it to the Philippines), a thermogram ( digital pictures from and old school looking camera that connects to a computer) and the 3rd will likely be an ultra sound. I am opting out of a Mammogram and MRI because I have learning those are options that can likely contribute to breast cancer. I have a doctor appointment lined up last week of March. It is a new doctor that combines Western ( traditional) and Conventional medicine. It is the place where I also so a Naturopath so I am curious to see how they "handle" my situation. I say situation because I respect that a conventional doctor and hospital will likely tell me conventional answers. So if I am seeking natural healing why would I go to a conventional doctor? Insurance. I will go into another blog about money and insurance at later time.
I have reached my blog capacity so you don't get bored... :) So I will give you a pretty slide show of my 15 day road trip. All natural goodness in the pics! I will be using some of these as background pics for my new upcoming inspirational mottos. Thanks for reading and listening and traveling thus far with me!
I am always trying to re-train my brain so this seemed like a really good idea. This way I would see and remember it daily! I still LOVE this tattoo. I think #6 will also involve words. Words are powerful and visualization is powerful. Together, you know, even more powerful! Who knew tattoo's could be so powerful! :) I remember I got this in early May right before Mothers Day. I wore a long sleeve shirt for Mother's Day so my mom wouldn't see it and I kept adjusting my arm so my sleeve stayed covering my new tattoo. I knew she wouldn't like it but now that she knows there is meaning behind it, maybe it's not so bad? :)
The 2nd thing that happened was this scenario... I was always looking to do everything with a purpose. Especially music or business or anything money related. I am a self-proclaimed dabbler in producing my own original music projects, I always think large and get really overwhelmed. I reach out to others with the intention of producing this musical/artistic idea and it will get somewhat accomplished. I WAS thinking about my endeavors according to the world of business and money and NOT from the heart or just doing it cuz it felt good on, ya know. One night I was out with my boyfriend at a friends going away party. I was in one of those thinker moods. One of our musician friends said, "whatever happened to the days of just doing music just because". I took this to heart as if he was specifically speaking about me ( so vein of me) and was devastated that I thought I had been doing this all along and that was part of my downfall. I was asking musicians/artists to participate in something that was not genuinely 100% from the heart or with Love.......
The 3rd thing that happened... I started to meditate. I started learning about the power of silence and quietness of the brain. The power of thought and where our thoughts can go and why. We create our whole life with THOUGHT. Isn't that so? Think about it, what we think is what rules our world. Imagine what would happen if you simply changed your thoughts. It could be as easy as thinking positively and catching yourself when you have a negative thought or emotion and letting it dissolve only to put the new spin on your thought that provokes that best outcome for you! Our most powerful tool, the brain. Thoughts can go wild and you can drive yourself insane and unhappy OR you can get quiet, connect with you and life, and be happy. Gee, which one should i pick? :) I now meditate every morning. Just like exercise, just like healthy food, meditation requires a daily dose too. Today's world has attacked our brains with so much and we all live in brain-chaos. It's absolute craziness. Meditation has helped me personally create an internal peace that I have not felt since childhood.
The 4th thing that happened... the reason you are all reading this blog... getting diagnosed with breast cancer, choosing to heal naturally, and choosing to share this journey in hopes to help others. Along with the other 100 things that this journey is teaching me and letting me experience, my perception and level of understanding the acts of Giving and Receiving have evolved deeply. They are on my TOP 5 list of what I have gained through this whole experience to date. I now look at life as my life's work. I am here simply to give myself. The experiences and journeys of life are what LIVING life is really about. As overwhelming as Cancer is and must seem, I have gained a whole new world, a new perspective, and a new approach. Finally, something that money cannot buy. I think I kinda feel like a tree-hugger right now. :) ( no offense if you like to hug trees, i do)
What does all this have to do with HELP? It's the beautiful evolution of Love, Peace, Giving and Receiving. When fully realized, it is perfection. There is no need for help or feeling like you should help, can't or can help or didn't help. If you automatically live with love, peace, giving and receiving in your life you will NEVER have to act like a martyr ever again. Help can simply go back to the simple task of just helping out, just because. You pulled over to help that woman with her flat tire, you shoveled your neighbors sidewalk after the snowstorm, you bought dinner for the guy you see every day shaking the change cup, and so on....
I am writing this specific blog because I have been wondering where my journey is taking me. I have realized that this website I started is the birth of what grows inside of my heart and soul. It is a culmination of me and what I have to give. It just so happens to be packaged with words and a logo and some inspirational printed gear right now. It's bigger than me and bigger than what I will ever be able to understand or explain. Just like me, it will take shape over time. I am happy to know that I am getting better at living life and at a higher level of consciousness which will in turn create the actions, products, creations, and atmosphere that I call aFlyGirl. It's a beautiful circle of Giving and Receiving. It is my peace and I do it with Love.
I had just finished a 7-day online course called Inner Engineering by a guy name Sadghuru. To my surprise, he had the same message as another guy named Markus Rothkranz. I have been reading tons of books, listening to audio books, watching videos, and reading. These 2 guys have a great message and is just what i needed at this moment in time. Take a look at them (in the pictures below) and if you find yourself judging, try to stop. I am telling you, they are BOTH really out-of-the box from what I know and they are super awesome! This is not about religion, it is about your life and how you live it and what you choose to believe. Not about the labels we put on your god, my god, their goddesses, your jesus, my astrology, your prayers, my meditation, etc. It is just about the simple act of BEING. My new motto... "Breath.Believe.Be." It's purrfect! Isn't everyone searching for happiness? Of course. Who wants to feel like crap? NOBODY! Everyone is continually searching for that happiness. It is right in front of us, as I am learning. I was restricting my own self with my own ideals and thoughts. Sure there are always rules and regulations, but you can still be free with your own thoughts and how you choose to live and what you choose to think and believe.
These 2 guys could not be any more polar opposites and LOOK totally different than each other, but YES they deliver the SAME message. I am not saying go read all their books and soak up their message. You will search for what you want and need in your own time. It is not for me to push it on you. I am just telling you about a very vivid example and experience I am having with letting go and dealing with our egos, thoughts, emotions, our physical body, and our consciousness. As a humanity, a family, we have become so addicted to being UN-conscious day to day, same rig-a-ma-roll, same electronics, same food, same small group of people, same daily routine. Perhaps if we just think of adding some spice AND like on Halloween when you buy a pumpkin and carve it, what do we do, we create our own vision of what the pumpkin should look like, right? That's all we have to do with ourselves! It's fantastic!
So I left on my road trip and passed some big-ass billboards that were advertising, zip-lining, caves, ropes, dirt bikes and it looked REALLY fun! I thought, I have to go. So , I did. I stayed in Louisville and ventured to this place. http://www.louisvillemegacavern.com/. If you like to be physically active like i do and/or if you have kids, this place is great AND it is less than 5hrs from Chicago AND there are cheap hotels you can stay at by the airport. Besides the FUN factor, I have been working on conquering my fears. Any time you try something NEW, I think we all get that weird feeling in our gut, right? Our ego is saying no don't do it, i feel uncomfortable, but your spirit says, go for it! I was tormented all weekends by these 2 thoughts/feelings. I know repetition is good when you are trying to change something, so I kept ignoring my ego that was telling me no, and went with my rah-rah- cheerleader spirt that said yes! AND, I am happy to report, I feel great! I tried to capture my zip-lining for you, the video is dark, but you can imagine. The depths of this cave were huge and you cannot see them but please imagine.
As patty perfect as this all might sound, I still have a long way to go. Just like a diet, the maintenance and permanence of what you have created is often overlooked and the more challenging part! I have been seeking solace at my home the past 2 months and have started to create a pretty zen atmosphere that include diffusers, essential oils, just keeping it extra tidy, no more background junk TV- only meditation youtube videos, and a mindful day of being in the moment as I chug through my new daily routines. I am getting out of my robes in February and plan to hit the town! I really want to continue my adventures. To date the Flying Trapeze lessons took the cake and were REALLY awesome! I am becoming an adrenaline junkie i think! This whole living in the moment is really fun and creates lots of happiness. I have not mastered it by any means, but even a little improvement in this area feels really great!
These changes will be permanent. This means my socialization and day to day interactions will change. The fact is, most socialization that I have known, takes place around food and alcohol. If I am only drinking let's say 1x a month and eating a mostly vegan and raw diet, who is gonna want to hang out with me? Will I ever be as fun as I once was years ago? I definitely learned i was using alcohol to numb my emotions and just get by without really feeling much. Sounds so nasty to say and it really sucks. I got wrapped up in just coasting through my days and forgot about what really brings me joy. No más! I will keep digging my new path this February and let you know how this socialization things goes.
As I re-embark on my mediation and self-help journey I am finding that these emotions are a good thing and we can use them as markers on where we are in our spiritual journey. I am learning. When I say spiritual, I am not a participant in organized religion and I do not declare any religion. I view my spirit as my love and connection to the world and use this to help guide my way. That is what God is to me. I always felt shy about discussing spirit, but now I feel a very strong pull to keep it the absolute leading force in my life. If that is to happen, I must pay attention to it and discuss it sometimes. I am now understanding more about how ego pops up EVERY DAMN DAY and tries to sabotage us! SO I invited my ego to meditate WITH me instead of just telling it to shut off for the time being. If I am gonna experience it, I thought my ego should too! :) This part of my journey has pretty much taken over and I will update you on how I am doing at a later date. Just know I am in the works and probably will be for a while in regards to this topic.
I guess I should not expect a doctor to think outside the box of what they have been taught. Just like I should not expect everyone to follow my lead on natural healing. Just like I should not expect that a person with a disease should not be expected to think about alternative solutions to heal themselves as prescribed by their doctors? As I embarked on my own healing breast cancer journey naturally, I was definitely going against the grain. I met with 3 doctors. They all told me to get surgery. Pretty hard to stomach and then walk out feeling confident about your decision. To be completely honest, it is YOU all reading this and asking me questions and cheering me on and lending your support and love that has really kept me going. So thank you. I know this was by choice. I knew it would be hard. But I have to get through it day by day and feel it too. I am really focusing on the positives. So as angry as I might feel, It is also put me in a "state of emergency" to help others. It is an emergency and it is urgent. People need information so they can make informed decisions. They need to be told the truth. They need to be told the consequences. This is so much bigger than you or I could ever dream. It will take a mass number of people to make change. Yes we can do it a little bit at a time. But collectively, for example, what would our state of health and the idea of health insurance look like if we could choose a company based on what type of medicine we decide is best for us? There is no insurance that covers the western or traditional medicines, only conventional. What would the world look and feel like if we ALL demanded our products be toxin free? I will tell you, we would ALL be in a healthier state. GUARANTEED. Wonder if I put out a Documentary and Book that informed people on a 3rd option that involved no surgery or drugs? AND it works?? Just stirring the pot. Get your braincells churning. :)
Remember I told you i was in my bathroom one night because I needed to figure out why I was feeling so bad? This was it. This was the heavy load I chose to carry for no reason. Remember i am learning. BUT in that learning process, great things are developing. I have been shocked at the core and my spirit was so riled up from all those past years that it has put me in fighter mode. I consider myself about 1/3 through my journey. I am giving myself a year to get my self and my spirit in alignment with my true destiny. It's a tall order and I am also getting 2 sides of love and happiness with that order! Til' next time.. Namaste and thx for caring! - Tami xo
End of Detox- End of January 2016- End of Fear- Week 18
Today was fun. I experienced Flying Trapeze with kids, well mostly kids. 3 other adults and 6 kids between 7-13years I would guess. As you know I have also been doing lots of soul-searching in my breast cancer journey. One of the things I wanted to work on was being fearful. I always thought of myself as not fearful, but as the past months have gone by, I realize I have been riding on fumes the past handful of years. I have clutched onto things in lieu of fear. The fear of FEELING fear was terrifying. Before my 2nd swing today, I asked the professional if she still gets the "roller coaster stomach drop " when she swings. She said "no, only when I try something new". AHA moment. There were many parallels with today's experience and LIFE.
When I arrived, I saw nothing but kids and thought oh this should be fun. As I walked to the waiting area where everyone was belting up they were all picking which "number" they wanted to be. They all giggled and were oohing and awing as each of them signed up for a number. When it was my turn I could select 1, 4 or 6. (those were the only spots left) Which one do you think I picked? 1 of course! Hello! This is Tami! :) They all giggled and gasped and eyes wide as I said wish me luck, I've never done this before. ( I later found out it was everyone's first experience at flying trapeze). We got the rules and breakdown of what we were supposed to do when it was our turn to swing. We gathered around and chalked up our hands.
I started climbing the ladder which was the first big feat, the room got a little silent. The pressure was on to be brave in front of the kids. I won't lie, when I got up there I had about 1 second where I wanted to turn around, but going back down the ladder seemed worse. If you have never had a flying trapeze experience, in order to "mount the bar" before you swing you have to grab one side, then let go and put your other hand on the bar and lean forward over the ledge as the instructor holds you with a harness before you make the swing. You definitely have to put trust in someone else with your life. Trusting they will hold you up as you take the dive and try something new.
I got the stomach drop, butterflies, breathe cut off, and eyes closed the 1st 2 swings. You had to learn the cues and then LISTEN to the instructor on the microphone so you knew WHEN to " knees up" ,"legs through", " hands over head", "catch hands", "legs out", swing legs forward-back-forward", "tuck and spin". Each time we would all cheer and clap and high 5 and say good job! One little girl was getting frustrated on how to get her legs through so she could swing upside down. She asked me, " how do you do this?", " was it scary?". I said yes it was a bit scary but you just focus and go for it and visualize yourself doing it from start to finish. Her friend chimed in with, " you just gotta believe in yourself". GOOD GIRL! I wanted to give her a Fly Girl shirt for a prize since she answered that way, it was great!
So we got to the last round, ROUND 5. They selected 4 of us to try the CATCH. I was first again. All eyes were wide and it was SUPER SILENT as I climbed the ladder. I talked to myself the whole way up. All I had to do is do the patterned Swing that I had mastered after 4 swings, then extend my arms and trust and believe that the other instructor (who was perched on a shorter swing on the other side of the net) would reach out and grab my arms in mid swing and that it would work. Well I will let you watch my video to see what happened.....
AS I left today, I felt very elated and happy that I tried something new. Something that put a little fear in my body and I was able to do it. I was able to progress. I was able to finish the established task that the instructors had demonstrated. It never felt TOO hard. It never felt TOO terrifying. It was a good lesson in just getting out and doing it. I had told one of the little girls who kept asking if it was scary and what would happen if they didn't catch me, " just think of the worse case scenario, you drop and the net catches you". As I think back to all in my life that has happened, I have had a net every single time. Every thing has eventually worked itself out. No need to be fearful. Our minds take over and then we become fearful when there is no reason.
When I got home, for some reason I had the urge to dig up an old poem book that I made in 1999. I was smart then. :) I thought I had it together, then LIFE kicked in. How could I have gone from writing these poems (below) to letting FEAR creep in and dictate certain parts of my life? There was a mom who participated today with her 2 kids. Her kids were pretty full of energy and VERY rambunctious and you could tell the mom was just worn down from mommyhood. I noticed that as she took her swings she commented on how she didn't think she was STRONG enough to get her legs through the bar to swing upside down. It made me think about how as kids we can be SO #fearless and just put ourselves out there and then as we grow older and LIFE grows on us somehow our BRAVERY and SELF-WORTH and SELF- ESTEEM and SELF-CAPABILITIES get brushed under the rug. All we have to do is remember and believe.
I wanted to share 3 of the poems specifically in my book. They just seemed applicable for my journey right now.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for being part of my Journey. TAMI xo
As you can see, this is a full time job! Precisely WHY I am working from home this January. I was slowly preparing for this the month of November and December. The only gifts I asked for the holidays... Whole Foods Gift certificate, baby! And that is precisely what I got! Thx Fam! It just made life easier to be able to get my veggies 2x a week so they would stay fresh. I now don't waste any fruits or veggies cuz they can always go in the juicer! It's awesome!
Some interesting tips and side notes for you all!
Cancer likes sugar. Sugar is the #1 item anyone will tell you to stop consuming. Does it mean 100%? No, you can still eat minimal fruits. The idea is to keep your Glycemic levels really low to help kill off the cancer cells. That is why there are such diets as the Budwig , Keto and Gersen diets that people follow. I still like to follow the Tami-diet :) which is... fresh is best, green is good, protein it up, fruit for dessert, all other food only consume once in a while. :)
Olive oil is what you should use for salad dressing NOT to cook with! Cook with Coconut or Grapeseed oils. ( reason: they can withstand a hot cooking temperature and won't become carcinogenic)
If you are not eating meat, you should eat a sh++load of seeds for protein.
Consume Nuts for healthy omega fats.
Good idea to include a fermented product ( i do sauerkraut) for a healthy gut or a Probiotic. My Natrapath suggested this one... http://www.shopraby.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=probiomax
Cruciferous veggies ( the leafy ones) are what you want to mainly eat.
When you are shopping at the store you want ALL non-fresh items to have the label NON-GMO and USDA and ORGANIC no questions asked! Why not try the farmers markets instead of the grocery store? Support local!
If you consume meat, you want GRASS-FED.
AND of course remember you want your water FILTERED in glass, ceramic or stainless steel drinking items.
this is my refrigerator list so whoever enters the kitchen knows what's up!
Thanks for joining me in my healing breast cancer journey. Things are going well and I feel really optimistic with all the changes and new routines I have implemented. I am now out of the starting gate and ready to tackle even more! It feels good to take care of myself and know that I am doing "all the right things". The REAL test will be making all these changes and instituting them for the REST OF MY LIFE. At this point in the game, I feel it is REALLY POSSIBLE. I don't feel like I wanna deviate. ALL this research has really opened my eyes and shed light on where we have evolved this world and what we need to do to fix it so we can protect ourselves from disease and protect our children and the future generations. It IS possible. I am often thinking of "how my grandmother grew up" and I really wish she was around to school me again on WHAT their day to day life consisted of.... Even though electronics seem to be the evil of alot of health issues and stress, I believe we CAN use our knowledge and technology to help us GET BACK to what WAS working. FOOD really can be our medicine. We have just altered it SO MUCH that our bodies don't know how to react and they are now toxic. When you think about it, all we really need it Shelter, Food, Water and Fire to survive. WE have all these material things and get consumed with all that is out there, and we forget what we really NEED to be happy and healthy. My huge shoe collection sure is cute BUT at the end of the day it does not make me healthy and happy. So let's CHEERS our GREEN DRINKS to a new future that is less toxic because WE all helped us get back there as a nation!
Tami - xo
All I can say regarding my online buying habit is... "no amount of money is too much to try something that might work and is a healthier option for me". I have a sh++load of notes to still go through and see if I have forgotten anything. They are sprawled across my office floor so I can sift through them daily. (picture to the left) After my profuse note taking skills were zapped, I googled everything. I read WHY I should take or do something. I researched WHERE I could get it. I then looked to see IF what that site was selling WAS the real deal. It was time consuming BUT now I know.
I do this each and every time now when I buy something NEW. Hopefully over time I will develop my staple BUYS and this will become less of an ordeal. You already know my 1st buys, the Berkey Water Filter and the Austin AIR Purifier. They are both GREAT and continue to use them! You also know I joined THRIVE and made my 1st order that contained mostly toiletries, spices, and some random buys. I have NOT placed a 2nd order because luckily I don't need anything yet. However, I plan to research WHERE I can buy cheaper bulk raw NUTS and SEEDS and ESSENTIAL OILS in the future. I get them at Whole Foods right now and we all know Whole Foods is expensive. I AM currently buying ALL of my ORGANIC veggies and fruits at Whole Foods. I plan to research Farmers Markets in my area and also look into the Produce delivery from local gardens. Just haven't gotten there yet. I have now also started some DIY items. I started to make my own hand soap, dishwasher soap, laundry soap, multi-purpose cleaner and floor cleaner. The best one was the multi-purpose cleaner. I am not spreading the Gnewz on ANY recipes until I have mastered them and think they ARE THE BEST! I gotta say the dishwasher soap was a struggle, my stuff looks hazy and I have to run it 2x. I will get there eventually!
As I researched non-toxic products to buy , I then knew I had to decide on what I was gonna do for my DETOX in January. I will share that with you in my next blog. I then started reading about all the different supplements that were possible for me to take and why. I ended up with these....
I started to dig into non-toxic clothing.......
NOT good! BUT something to strive for as I build my a Fly Girl clothing line. Turns out MOST clothes are made with toxic fabrics... sigh. I made some purchases and to be honest, have not found a particular company that I love. I ordered a handful of basic items... the worst offender was a SMALL pair of panties I ordered. Well they ended up way too big and looked like major granny panties ( no offense if you are a grandma) My boyfriend said "well they have lace on the top". Thx! We will see how you like them when I wear them for my pajamas every night! I have again ravaged my closets and am trying to re-stock with healthier clothes. This is a really hard one right now. The 2 brands I wore the most Adidas and Nike were on the "most-toxic" list. I felt really defeated. I was pissed. I had a really bad day and felt so crappy I threw out all of my sport bras. Which was alot! Remember I am a Trainer so that is what I wear every day. Well I also learned the ladies should not be wearing bras for extended periods of time. Double sigh. WTH? Was I suppose to walk around all flippity floppedy? This is a simple article I found that can sum up what to look for BUT the question still remains, well where can I buy Stylish non-toxic clothing. (with emphasis on stylish- that seems to be the main problem)
This brings me to armpits and toiletries and cosmetics.... MORE getting used to items. The smells around the house and on ME were gone! I could no longer use my dove deodorant that I love so much and I can use NOTHING with FRAGRANCE in the ingredients. Double sigh. SO! in bougy-tami style you know I found makeups and parfum that I could use asap! I am still finishing up some of my JUICE beauty products (couldn't get myself to throw them out PLUS they are organic and not bad for ya)- BUT as far as a beauty regimen I have been using just oils on my skin. Usually a base oil like Jojoba or Almond with some Essential oils mixed in. I found THIS beauty oil which I love and it's cheap! https://djehutymaatraherbs.com/beauty-oil
REALLY happy with these buys ladies....
http://www.100percentpure.com/ for my some new makeup AND for my new parfum... http://www.eccobella.com/parfums/
I am still going to do more research on what to buy and I will even dig into some DIY recipes for body lotions and some cosmetics. And yes after I use up those pretty Eco Bella parfums I will keep the bottles and start to make my own parfums with Essential oils!
My most recent buy was for hair care. I bought this product http://shop.morroccomethod.com/ . I am in the middle of deciding what to do with my hair. I went Platinum a couple years ago and am starting to grow it out... guess what... hair color is toxic too... triple sigh. I will gradually get some browns back in there, I am struggling with what to do and will likely use regular dye at least one more time so I can blend my hair and so I don't look like Nikki Minaj's color part. That would be a nice picture, my hair halfway grown out and the top 1/2 is brown and the bottom half platinum... hmm! So long story even longer, I have done some research and purchases and will keep you updated when I FIND the ones I think are BEST!
In conclusion, I STRONGLY suggest you browse through this site when you have time... http://www.ewg.org/ . It is a great site to understand your job as a CONSUMER and what you are getting yourself into with your purchases. We are bombarded by nothing but chemicals EVERY DAY in almost EVERYTHING. It's really scary to think about. We must take measures to protect ourselves and DEMAND safer products and ingredients. My BEST advice would be just to start READING any and all labels for everything you purchase. Even if you don't know what everything is , at least you will be more aware.
Thx for reading and caring! Til next time... xo Tami
People were asking me questions and I just couldn't seem to concentrate on the tasks at hand or get anything productive accomplished. So frustrated that I had to leave before I let out a scream just to release. I realize now that this was part of the process. Just as I tell my Depaul students it's about getting rid of the old negative stuff and bad habits/patterns so you have room for the new positive good habits and things that bring you joy and fulfillment. YES this was a TEST and I had to eat my words and walk the talk. Just like a cluttered closet you have to get rid of things so you have room for new stuff, right? The problem is letting go of the old because...... we might need it again? we will miss it? we paid all that money for it? We just can't seem to let go of things sometimes.
From this I developed my first legit cancer-fighting motto "let it go" and " detox your life". I even developed some phrasing for a Fly Girl and made a retractable banner with these words. (up above) I am a big advocate in surrounding yourself with what you want to be, in the environments that help you be that, and around the people that can also help you develop into that intention or vision. I believe this is a great tool to help you achieve change. Change can be very challenging. We all will go through changes throughout our lifetime. Which brings me to the word "fear". I have always believed that this "fear" is what holds us back, what makes us do or believe certain things, why we sometimes stay in our safe zone, why we might have insecurities, and why we might have racist or judgmental qualities. We act out of fear sometimes and it can be a pretty ugly picture and it can be very self deprecating.
My NEW improved MOTTO...
My 2 BIGGEST Challenges in this journey are surprisingly NOT the Cancer. I find myself back in the saddle doing an abundance of self-work again! I guess we always feel we have it figured out, then nope, you get a big swift kick in the a++ with something else that needs to be resolved or experienced in your life in order for you to move forward. My 2 biggies: FEAR- Reacting out of Fear or NOT acting because of Fear, LETTING GO of all that exists in your Life to let CHANGE happen. Let me be more explicit. Let's address Letting Go. The opposite, holding on, controlling, manipulating, not allowing, keeping at arms length, are all actions that were present in my life. YUCK! Whether it was me putting restrictions on my own self, other people, or in relationships. GROSS! Who wants RULES and REGULATIONS on how you should be , talk, act, do, give, receive, feel? Gosh I feel like the lifetime movie Stepford Wives and I am not even a wife! AND the worst part.. I did it to myself! No one did it to me! I feel kinda sheepish... baaah. :) Time I had a talk with myself and tell myself the real deal. Get straight to the point with no sugar coating. YOU are your own worst enemy Tami. BUT, I forgive you and let's learn, heal, and move forward. xo :) thx Tami, love you too. SEE! That's all you have to do! Talk to yourself! :) I have been doing it for years! In my head, not out loud. I think I will start doing it out loud, maybe that will help it sink in better. On the realz, letting go is challenging for some, I knew it was there but did not know how to "fix it". I am really hoping that out of this whole process and my new adventures, these 2 things, Letting GO, and battling Fear will just go away, along with the cancer. As I experience more Ayurvedic sessions, approach meditation, create ZEN in my home, create my new daily routine, I find my MIND changing and adapting to NEW healthy ways for my SOUL that just seem to automatically help the past negatives disappear. I am blowing in the wind and one by one this monsoon is blowing away the wreckage and they are no longer part of me. So enlightening and freeing and helpful for my Life.
As I analyze my own self and my own habits and reactions I now realize in certain areas of my life I let FEAR sway me. It could be a little fear or a big fear and it could also be a FAKE fear. Fake meaning I look at it now and ask myself " why did i do that? or react that way? or why didn't I speak up? or why did I not just try to do that? why did i procrastinate?" and really the list goes on and on for me.... Fear for losing what? Fear of being what? Fear of people thinking what? I would like to quote Katt Williams and say my new motto is like IF you were gonna take a hit from a joint and you get high and you have an attitude that feels like... "fu++ it!". So what! Who cares! Well I care. BUT why? If I was truly in touch with my spirit I think I would have known better. I think I would have been able to put on a smile and go ahead with the things that really gave me joy and happiness and laughter, no matter what. I would have been able to be in this material world and been able to move down my TRUE path. Well no more! I AM working on it and coincidentally the "I AM" is part of the resolution. Look up different forms of meditation and read about the I AM and maybe this will start to make sense. The " I AM" is a whole other subject that has lots of sentiment and is a tool to help people CHANGE and grow and be confident and set intentions to what and where they want to be. We act out of fear so we need to FEAR LESS and be FEARLESS. FEAR holds us back and does not allow us to live our lives completely and fully. FEAR can paralyze us. FEAR can hinder us. FEAR makes us act out unnecessary judgements. FEAR is NOT my friend right now BUT I will walk side by side with FEAR so I can move out of FEAR. Friends with the Enemy, right? Maybe a passive aggressive way to deal, but hey, gotta do what ya gotta do.
So namaste Friends, I have some fears to go battle. I shall return!
a continuance on my breast cancer natural healing mission
NOVEMBER- Weeks 7-8-9-10
As I started to declutter my house, my closets, and my pantry, my soul started to shake a bit. I became weepy at a moments notice. I swear my spirit was beginning to detox. I was having all sorts of "aha moments" about relationships both past and current, both family and friends. I was seeing clarity in relationships. I was seeing things I wanted to be different in relationships. I was seeing my downfalls and contributions to NOT having success in GREAT relationships with really most people in my life. I feel like I have been on auto-pilot the past 10 years. I have been pretty numb to just about everything and just getting through each day. THIS was a problem for me and I did NOT like it! The feeling of feeling "UN-fulfilled" when I have so much to be grateful for baffled me. I am writing this blog on week 16 so I am looking back a bit and still figuring everything out. I will say this " I am in the Works". I always have been on a mission to be the best version of me and to be happy. I have never felt "there" yet. I am learning slowly but surely to enjoy the process and that "there" is "here and now". What can I say? I am a product of life today? I hope to drastically CHANGE this part of me. To be honest, I think THIS is the hardest part of ALL the parts about detoxing your life and filling yourself back up with goodness. The Soul is definitely a part of all of us and separate of our physical body that seems to take charge all the time. I think I will sit down and have a talk with my body today. Inspired by my hip-hop ness and the Geto Boys, "My Minds Playin' Tricks on ME"! AHA moment. Hello- this is exactly WHY I started a Fly Girl. Full Circle Moment. I am using my own product. Gee who would have thought I needed encouragement or support or a pick me up? :) Could this part of me be the connection to feeling fulfilled and moving forward with my passion and dreams in a way I never dreamed about? (stay tuned) browse this site if you have no idea what I am talking about. I started this BRAND about 3-4 years ago. It was a way for me to fuse my music, fitness, and fashion all together. Just like me, it is in the works. I am sure this journey will give me some directional points.
About a year ago I discovered the 21-day Oprah and Deepak Chopra Mediation series. LIKE them or start to read about it here... https://www.facebook.com/ChopraMeditation . I have always been into reading self-help books, but this seemed like a quick day to day thing I could start to incorporate. I listened to "Manifesting True Success" for 21-days and was hooked! Well, just like many, I became a bandwagon junkie. I would do it for a while, then fall off, then do it some more, then fall off. NOW was the TIME to re-open that APP and listen to them again! 20 minutes a day- in the morning is when I like these specific ones best. ALSO, when I am working from home on the computer I turn YouTube on and play a 6-hour meditation music video rather than just have the TV on in the background for company. These new sounds along with my NEW Essential oils ( which I will get to in another blog) seem to be having a very positive effect on my mood and temperament.
As I journey through each day it HAS to be approached " day to day" since there are really no instructions that are SIMPLISTIC on how to cure your own Cancer. It is multi-tiered, multi-layered, multiple emotions, many foods, daily devotions of fitness and meditation, many oils-herbs-supplements, and for me a NEW WAY of THINKING. I have always been what I call an "A-holic". I have an addictive personality and when I like something I jump right in and usually overdo it. On multiple times in my life I have shopped like a shop-a-holic, drank like an alcoholic, worked like a work-o-holic, and exercised like an exercise-a-holic. These were my vices along with watching the same movies over and over, listening to the same songs over and over, and eating the same snack foods over and over. I suppose that was what I was trying to fill myself up with all this time. Look where it got me. God works in mysterious ways. I get it now. I just hope I can keep my changes permanent and continue to dig deeper into a fulfilling life.
I am definitely at a crossroads. It feels very challenging to heal and change, then go out into the world that was knocking you down. My TOXIC radar is in full blast and I feel like I have my battle shield up. Whether it's food, house products, clothing, environments, people, or situations, it is easiest right now just to bow out and not participate until I feel stronger in my devotions and myself.
It sucks. I don't want to live like a hermit, it is finding the ways to pave new roads to a new me. I am trying NOT to overthink the future. Right? That's what I said, day by day! See I am already learning!
My investigations into Deepak Chopra and his "message" lead me to an Ayurvedic Lifestyle. When you begin practicing an Ayurvedic lifestyle, what you are really doing is starting a journey of self-discovery, mindfulness, and awareness. With this, comes an improvement in your overall well-being and your spiritual growth. I am just in the beginner stages so I don't have many answers, but I do know it is helping. There are a small handful of centers in Chicago/land areas that I am "experiencing" and trying to get my feet grounded. For some you could say this is "my church" even though there is no building you go to, it is looking inside yourself. You are your own temple, right? I am currently learning about the doshas, using herbs and oils, meditation, yoga, and meeting with a healer. It is helping me get through my emotions, release, let go, just be, and know that everything is ok. Dare I say I am becoming an Ayurvedic-aholic? :) I know, I know, don't get your panties in a bunch and think all these changes will make Tami boring. I always strive for balance and know that everyone has their own preferences, likes, beliefs, and own personal journey. I still want to kick is sometimes and drink my Biodynamic Cabernet and get tipsy. Point is, this is working for me and I wanted to share.
Check out my 1st Ayurvedic experience in this video!
a continuance on my breast cancer natural healing mission......
Ok. Now I had no way to clean my house. I went to Whole Foods and went down the small cleaning supply aisle and started to read the ingredients in each item. I noticed that Whole Foods put up what I call a "GREEN" -o-meter. It told you how GREEN the item was as far as environmental friendly. SO, I figured between picking the GREENest and the items with the MOST ingredients I could pronounce I settled for those items that day! I got home to restock my items and then started thinking about my diet. I knew what I needed to eliminate already. It took me the next 10 weeks to ween myself completely off alcohol, coffee, my boyfriends chips & crackers, and to decrease my sugar consumption. It was hard. They ALL were hard to stop doing. BUT, I think when your mind starts to shift, it becomes easier. I had other detoxing in my life to do and I knew it all was combined together and would eventually work itself out.
I continued my readings and research every day. I was looking for answers and I found them. The MORE something was REPEATED, I knew I should be doing it. I had not even scratched the surface. I merely threw out some trash and had weeks and months of work ahead of me. Researching became my new full-time job along with my other jobs. I couldn't stop. My first 2 BIG purchases were an AIR Purifier and WATER Filter. I dropped my first $700. Worth it! I use them ALL DAY EVERY DAY!
I bought the $200 Berkey Water Filter - they have lots of sizes and it is portable.
I will eventually upgrade to one of these... LIFE IONIZER or KANGEN - 2 BIG points about WHY I would want to purchase these:
1) I can use it via my sink so cleaning veggies and the house and drinking water is simplified and I am not depending on 4.5 gallons of water that need to be refilled.
2) These machines ALKALIZE your water. Read through the sites to understand. In a nutshell, we are ACIDIC because of all the things we consume daily. We need to balance our PH levels daily and this helps!
WATCH THIS VIDEO AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I STARTED WITH WATER.
I received my AIR purifier on WEEK 6 via USPS. Thanks Mail carrier I KNOW it was SUPER HEAVY! I keep it in my bedroom since that is where I sleep 8-9hours right now each night. I had smaller ones before BUT this one ROCKS! Basically, the more you spend, the more it will do for you. I have 2 cats and have been getting allergies more and more the past 10 years so it is totally worth a peaceful and clean feeling nights sleep. I bought it because I feel like it is helping to maintain the CLEAN and non-toxic environment in my home that I am trying to now create. I bought this brand, AUSTIN, and REALLY like it! http://austinair.com/ It was not on the list of things you HAD to have for ALTERNATIVE healing it just seemed like a good idea and my sister was told to purchase one after her double mastectomy so her surgical healing process at home went smooth. So glad I did it. I don't think I have even turned it OFF since it arrived. (with the exception of rolling it into another room) Weeks later I also researched air purifying plants and purchased a bunch! Not only are they pretty and make the house FEEL more natural and fresh, they are spreading GOODNESS! I started with a Peace Lily, Spider Plant, and Dracaena. Also, as a side note, I would like you to know that I bought roses and lillies from Jewel for Christmas Eve and used my FILTERED water in the vases. I have NEVER seen flowers bloom so FULL and stay for so long! Just sayin, it might be the water. :) ALSO, we had my sisters' kids over for Christmas Eve and one of them has SEVERE allergies. I cleaned well and used my AIR purifier in the upstairs the 3 days prior to them coming and not even a sneeze or sniffle or red eyes! aha! PROOF!